Success is personal and everyone has their own definition of it. And that's cool.

Some would define success as academic achievements, some as moving up the career ladder or promotion, some as being the best parent/child/spouse, some as been able to pray night pray every night and few pages of Qur'an every single day and some would define it as a combination of all.

Again, that's cool, because each one of us is different and each one of us has different dreams and hopes and wishes to achieve.

All successful people - in whatever they are successful in - have daily routines and habits that they have established.

The western personal development gurus swear by them and are always teaching and drilling these routines and habits into their students.

Obviously they got it from Islam! :D

For instance we are taught by Rasool Allah that he would make the following dua; He said: "O Allah, bless my Ummah in its early hours."

The early hours are the best. Praying night prayer in the last third of the night. Then praying Fajr and then reading some Qur'an. Its also one of the best times to read Qur'an as it's witnessed and recorded by the angels. And then follow this with quiet contemplation or in other words dhikr-Allah. Recite some tasbee, focus on the meaning. It will help quieten the mind of useless chatter and help us focus better.

There's a reason why many meditate and do yoga in the early hours and that's one of the reasons they can have laser focus and achieve so much!

So, we need to develop some positive habits and routines.

If you haven't already then master the morning prayer routine and then add your mantras to it.

What are these mantras?

They are like statements - positive statements - repeated often which get us into a positive mindset and help us focus on the task at hand or our long term goals.

What is YOUR mantra? 

Would you like to succeed and continuously have that energy switch which gets you into top form as and when you need it? 

Then it's time to create YOUR 'Unique Success Mantra' (if you haven't already). 

Read it, memorize it and switch into 'Excel-Mode' as and when you need.

But before we begin - we need to clear the clutter and have a soulful therapy moment. 

We need to get rid of the trash from our soul and know that 'things will happen' - yes they will - that's the nature of our lives - even if you're the happiest care-free soul, it doesn't mean you won't be put into compromising situations - even if its not to do with you directly, then a loved one, friends, colleagues - and some being intimate and close relations - how do you deal with their issue(s) successfully, help them through it and then switch back into your own 'Excel Mode', back on track? 

Its about recognising and appreciating the importance of 'each' moment, which ties into the core of your existence - your life - which is limited and being time-bound, we have to get the best and enough done in the 'time' we have and so that means working on our 'focus'. 

We need to keep in mind the above and work on a step by step method on regaining our focus. 

Well, how do we do that? 

Here's how;

a) Appreciating your life as 'Limited, Time-Bound and Precious'

b) Your goals and ambitions are all time-bound - we have to achieve them in a specific time.

c) What is precious is cared for and looked after (like a small child/animal). So what is precious to you? Is your life precious?

d) Know that there is someone who you call on 24/7, 365 days without an appointment and without waiting in a queue and who will help you - who? Allah

e) Supplicate (make dua) to Him and ask Him to help you

f) Know that you're a means by which Allah wants goodness for your loved one - He put you there to help them - He gives you the strength to help them

g) Know that you can only help those who want to be helped - in the end its between them and God

h) Be polite, assertive, direct and confident when helping your loved ones - because you need to get back to your work/life/study - and there's only so much you can do for someone

i) Always leave them in a happy, positive state - leave them with duas, ayahs and ahaadith - leave them hopeful - and insha'Allah they will soon see the light

j) After you've helped them go back to your 'Success Mantra' (which we will create in a minute) and point #a above

k) Eat healthy food, fruit, vegs, plenty of water, light exercise daily, walk daily, be in nature, parks, trees, flowers and listen to some Qur'an. Take a tech-break - no phones, tv, net, social media etc

l) If the issues are seriously intense - then do the above point #k at least three times (different things from the list insha'Allah to add variety) and read your 'success' mantra again and point #a above again - and you'll soon be back on track and you'll have regained your focus insha'Allah!

As I pointed out above we need to fix the issues of our soul first and you know things will creep up but you have to create awareness and be ready to deal with them.

"Richness does not lie in the abundance of (worldly) goods but richness is the richness of the soul." Sahih Muslim Book 005: Hadith 2287

So now we have regained our focus - its time to create our success mantra insha'Allah.

I'm going to share mine with you. Use it as a template or be inspired to jot your own down. In fact, mine is not even a one word statement or one line sentence. Its a whole paragraph and was inspired by a personal development book I read. Its pretty personal to me as I add the things that apply directly to me so you can add your own and personalise it insha'Allah.

Its helped me to create laser focus and to get things done - alhamdulilah. And I read it daily!


Bismillah

***From this moment on I will do what I need to do in order to excel in my deen, my ibaadah, my spirituality, my studies, my work, my businesses, my health, my wealth, my relationships and my life! I will operate in '150% EXCEL MODE turBo flow' from now on in every aspect of my life and be the best. I'm tired of being second best. I will Excel. I choose to be Extremely Successful insha'Allah, ameen!*** :)


So, there you have it. My success mantra.

By the way success is allowed in Islam - its how we deal with it and how we use it.

Remember we have 'One Life and One Chance' to do all the good and right things and we should all have that 'One Vision' - Jannah al-Firdaus and to get there we have to pass the tests from this life. And Allah (swt) grants success to whom He wills - this world and the next!

"Whoever works righteousness - whether male or female - while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)" [al-Nahl 16:97]

Ready to write YOUR 'Success Mantra?'

Just before you create yours and read it I want you to do a quick exercise. This involves you getting into a peak state. Think of a time when you were really happy with your achievement (whatever it is). I want you to feel that moment throughout your body. I want you to smell all the smells associated with it. What things were going through your mind at that time? What were you feeling? Feel it. Use all your five senses. Increase the feeling. Make it very bright and visual. Make it into 3D. And when you're at that peak state (or a halaal happy high) write your mantra and start repeating it.

Say Bismillah and just go do it!

Hope that helped y'all! :)

Leave a comment below to inspire all our WBI'ers and email me if you need help with writing your success mantra or to go through those steps to trash that junk insha'Allah!

Today's post is a reflection post. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to it. It comes after, well, a lot of reflection...

It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, its like we all have to go through this in our life. Once, twice, thrice...until we get the message, learn the lesson and move on.

Its like, you set out to do good and spread good, but there is always someone who will shake a pointy finger at you and say; 'Well, that's just not good enough!' Or; 'You're wrong!'

You know, it could have even started very young. At school maybe? Your teacher didn't like your drawing when you were in reception class age 4/5. You thought you were Picasso creating a masterpiece with your house and four windows, a door in the middle, a pathway leading to the front gates, a tree and a cat - but she clearly thought otherwise! (And no, that didn't happen to me and yes I did draw that drawing and admit it, so did you!).

It could have happened in later life. Your parents, siblings, friends pointing that pointy finger, rolling their eyes and choruses of; 'You just can't ever get it right can you?!'

Ever had that happen to you? Like over and over and...

*Ouch*

Its like a punch in the face and instant knock out. You're trying to get up and recover and there goes the bell for round two!

*Double ouch!*

Why do we allow ourselves to get hurt this way? In fact, why do we do things to always please others or get approval?

Why???

Its a proven psychological fact (you can google it) that humans have six basic needs. This theory was proposed by Maslow in 1943 in his paper; 'A Theory of Human Motivation'. In later years Tony Robbins (one of the Gurus of Personal Development and from whom yours truly is heavily inspired, motivated and influenced by) came up with his own six basic needs. Both Maslow and Robbins state that one of these needs is love/connection/belonging and another is significance (Robbins). 

We want to be and feel loved. We want to be and feel connected. We want to belong (either to immediate loved ones or in larger social groups - social acceptance). We want to be and feel significant.

These are almost like our survival tools and to an extent a healthy dose of each is required for the healthy and holistic development of a human being.

However, what can happen is that we get to a stage in life where we are always looking for approval and doing things to get attention so we feel significant - important - worthy.

This may even lead us sometimes to do or act in unhealthy or immoral ways. Just so we get that approval.

If you've ever been through any of that then know that its ok because what you were doing was being human (by the way I don't condone immorality).

All humans do this! But the correct way would be if parents/teachers/guardians gave children the correct form of encouragement and support at an early age - even through our failures then we wouldn't be so messed up today.

*Eureka Moment!*

That's why I said at the beginning - we've ALL been through it.

Because it started young and was embedded in us (usually around age 6) and we started to look for acceptance and feel low and sad if discouraged, it stayed with us. Its in our subconscious. It might even be eating you up right now!

*Is it?*

So even if your friends or family do this to you then realise that even they have been through it. 

Its like a sad, vicious, psychological cycle! 


*Yuk!*

But it's time to break FREE - when? NOW!

Allah (swt) has sent down a book of guidance. In it are treasures that even if Captain Hook knew about them then he would go out in search for them (and be one of the good guys)!

This book - the Qur'an - is a guidance for mankind and therein lie all the answers.

Do YOU want to stop this 'pleasing everyone' and looking for acceptance and feeling significant (beyond what is required as a basic need?) Then for YOU the Qur'an has a message...

Ready? Bismillah...

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

That's it! That's the one!

Read it again, re-read it, re-read it again and now STOP - sit back, take 5 and reflect.

I'll be right here when you come back - after 5 - we need to finish this post...

Back? Cool!

Ok, so yes, that's a verse which we need to memorise and truly reflect upon insha'Allah.

What does it really mean? Simply this - that all that we do is for the sake of Allah - we live for Him and die for Him - only!

And before you say; 'That's easy said than done!' - Well, yes, I know! This is life, it's not meant to be easy. That's not how lessons are learnt!

If we give ourselves a chance and really apply this verse to our lives then almost all our worries will vanish.

This is not to say that if you're at work you don't do what's in the job description or with a loved one you don't give them time etc - that's just silly. We have our worldly things to do and our worship to do. We have to balance it all.

But if we understand this verse then the burden can be lifted and we can break free from these shackles. These shackles that weigh us down because we do stuff just to get approval and feel significant. And in the process are always unhappy, low, sad and have low self-esteem/confidence.

Our purpose of creation is not to spend our days pleasing others or scheming of ways to gain approval.

That's a waste of time and life and both are precious.

Stop doing unnecessary things for approval! If they don't approve of you just the way you are then they never will!

And if they laugh and hate then its on them - they have issues that they need fixing. The issue is not with you but them. And if you laugh or hate or treat others as though they always need your approval then stop and fix up as the issue is with you!

If all of us could just take responsibility for our own actions and start fixing our broken hearts and healing our torn souls then we can start to be ok.

We can't change anyone else's behaviour or actions but we can only change our reactions.

Action Point & Tips:

1. What positive changes can you start making in your own lives?

2. How will you help younger souls (children/siblings/nieces/nephews) on this path to pleasing Allah alone (using the verse as an example)?

3. How will you react if you feel the need to please someone or seek their approval for your existence.

Don't just read this post and be inspired by it only but get motivated to take action insha'Allah. Want to see change? Then be the change! Today!

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

We live in a society and culture where we want to work hard only so we accumulate all the goods of this world. 

We want, want and want!

Its ok to have goods of this world - if done in moderation.

We need a roof on top our heads and clothes on our body. We need that. So we work for it and its ok.

I don't judge as that's not my purpose in life. I believe if God has blessed us with wealth then we can buy what we want so long as we give plenty in charity and help our loved ones. That's my personal belief and I stick by it.

But there is a difference in being rich and blessed by God and just wasting that money on things we don't need at all.

Western personal and spiritual development Guru's live by the daily mantra of; 'Give and You shall Receive'. Its from the Bible.

But what's amazing is that our deen - Islam - also teaches us to give. It teaches us this principle in depth - subhan'Allah! 

Giving in charity is fundamental in Islam and there are two types - obligatory and voluntary.

We know that Zakah is one of the Pillars of Islam - to give 2.5% of our wealth to the needy (in the Qur'an there are 8 categories of people who are eligible for Zakah). This is a form of obligatory charity.

Sadaqa is voluntary charity and something we should do on a daily. It is a form of ibaadah - worship.

It is sadaqa to smile at another.

Each new day our limbs perform sadaqa (ie prayer, giving etc).

Allah (swt) says; "You cannot attain to righteousness unless you spend (in charity) out of what you love." (3:92)

And; Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) related that Allah's messenger (PBUH) said: "No money ever decreases because of charity; when a servant of Allah forgives, Allah increases him in dignity; and whenever a person humbles himself to Allah, Allah will elevate his status." Bukhari & Muslim.

So why are we so stingy? Why can we not give?

It almost seems as though we will become poor by giving! However that is not the case. Look at the beautiful teachings of our deen yet we are so miserly and stingy - traits and characteristics which have openly been condemned and prohibited by our beloved Prophet (pbuh).

The western gurus give, give and give and yes they receive, receive and receive. God does not withhold from His creation. He is the One to give.

We are not looking at aqeedah or different belief systems (of different religions) but we are looking at the mindset - the positive mindset and belief system about giving in charity. And most of them make a 6 figure income (how do I know? I study them!).

Do you then stop to wonder why the Ummah is in such turmoil and pain? I'm asking you to for just a moment put aside the 'signs of the hour' (which, yes they are coming true one by one) and look at it from a different perspective. 

On the one hand we have oil rich billionaires building tall buildings almost out of space and then we have those who don't even know where the next meal will come from.

Why? Why has the Ummah fallen so deep? Please don't cry for another great pious leader to appear to take us to victory because they were human beings! They trusted in Allah, believed in Him and did the right thing. We don't worship the creation but the Creator!

You and I - my dear friends - have the capability of being great and leading the Ummah to victory!

YES WE CAN!

Its all about the mindset and its all about giving. And its all about believing and trusting Allah.

Have we lost faith and trust? Naud'billah!

Subhan'Allah! We are that busy that we can't even stop to help our own immediate family and we want to help the Ummah?

Yes, dua is the weapon of a believer - but dua is a pre and post requisite to action.

Action doesn't happen by itself as we know Allah said in the Qur'an that He will change our condition only when we first change it ourselves - when we take the first step to positive change.

So why are we so afraid to lose our wealth? Why have we become so greedy?

The wealth we have is not even ours! Its Allah's amanah - trust - given to us so we can spend on ourselves, our families and all of creation - spend in His way on His creation.

Give and you shall receive!

And if you don't have a lot of wealth to help others then give a smile at least. Give a helping hand. Give a kind word. Each of us can give if we become a little selfless.

Ask Allah (swt) and He shall give - give thanks and He shall give more - life is a test and preparing for our eternal bliss - supplicate to Him - see things for what they are and don't make them bigger (don't make a mountain out of a mole hill) watch your thoughts, words, feelings and actions. Its all a cycle - don't fall into the negative trap that you can't do or give because you are fooling no one except yourself. Instead create a positive cycle. Just the way a smile is contagious so is this positive cycle. 

Each of us right NOW has the ability to 'Give' and then to 'Receive'.

We have all the resources we need to begin right now insha'Allah.

Giving is so good for the soul that you can instantly feel the peace within and without.

And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: "If you give thanks, I will give you more (of My Blessings) {14:7}

Let's become true and worthy servants of Allah who give in His way and when we receive we give thanks. 

Tips and Action Points:

1. Scan your life - what can you do without? What is useless? Get rid of completely (if it is completely useless) or give in charity (if usable).

2. Give £1 or $1 or €1 or whatever your currency in your country to charity once every month (that's the least we can do, co'mon!)

3. Get together with friends and family and think of creative ways to help the Ummah and humanity and animals.

4. Don't remember or note down what you gave but always remember what you receive and then give thanks for it!

5. Share this message with your loved ones and make today's mantra; 'Give and You shall Receive!' Insha'Allah! :)

Its always nice to make a fresh start in life or to create New Beginnings...

Did you read last weeks post? It was about 'Victim Mentality and Self-Sabotage'. It was DEEP! I hope you had a chance to read it and had some breakthroughs as this weeks post will only be effective if you practiced the tips in last weeks post. If you haven't already then STOP and go read {http://www.webeinspired.com/1/post/2012/11/im-a-victim-get-me-out-of-here.html} and then give yourself up to 72 hours then come back to THIS post. But, if you're done with the whole victim mentality saga then read on insha'Allah :)

There's so much energy in new beginnings, don't you think?

I mean they usually occur at the start of the New Year - we make resolutions - many quit - many soldier on - and many re-resolute six months on.

New beginnings and fresh starts are also powerful when ALL our friends get involved. So if you want to lose weight, for instance, and your friends are not on this new resolution thing then eventually it can become discouraging and you may quit! Because it really does take A LOT to stay motivated and keep at it.

Many contemporary scholars have also said that the best time to set new goals is the last ten nights of Ramadan.

Sooo did YOU set any/new goals this Ramadan? Have you succeeded in them? Need to re-resolute? Waiting for 1st January 2013??

Why wait? How about 1st Muharram 1434 AH?

Its the Islamic New Year. I hope and pray that its a blessed, productive, successful and prosperous year ahead for you insha'Allah, ameen!

Don't panic now! The Queen of Inspiration and Motivation is right here for YOU and together we'll make this the best year ever insha'Allah!

Excited? Yay, me too! Read on :D

Umar ibn al-Khattab (radiyallahu 'anhu) said; "Bring yourself to account before you are taken to account (on the Day of Judgement)," and, "Weigh your deeds before your deeds are weighed." 

And...

Hasan al-Basri (rahimahullaah) said, "You will never meet a believer except that he brings himself to account."

These will be our starting points today insha'Allah (make a note of them).

As Muslims we know that there is a life to come and to get the best spot in the next world - or the golden ticket - we need to work hard in this world - a world full of trials, tests, tribulations and lots of other things.

At each point we need to take account of our actions and our intentions as; 'Actions come from Intentions.' (Bukhari and Muslim)

Just today I got an email by one of the western personal development gurus and in it she said that she does not use the term 'goals' for 'goals' but 'intentions' because sometimes if you have a lot of 'goals' it can become very daunting.

Now if we as Muslims look at this it does make sense because a goal really is an intention which turns into an action and we know that at each point we need to turn to Allah and ask Him to purify our intentions so our actions are purified.

So, here's our Action/Intention plan today - Bismillah:

1. Let's purify our intentions and actions continuously as every thing we do is for the sake of Allah alone and to Him is our return. 

2. Continuous dua - every single day; 'Ya Allah please purify my intentions and actions'.

3. Prayers come first! So plan your day around your prayers and not your prayers around your day. Those who succeed are those who work hard for their prayers. Also, daily Qur'an, daily adhkaars, daily dhikr. These are essential! Do not miss them!

4. Get a diary! Ok, if you don't like diaries get an organiser or notebook. Yes, do use all the technology available to you but there's power in actually using pen and paper. All our pious predecessors used pen and paper and we know how blessed they were. So time to go traditional again - pen and paper.

5. I schedule my diary at the beginning of the month. Some schedule it at the beginning of each week whilst others at the end of each night. So, what works for you, works for you.

6. Procrastinate? Instead of writing; 'To-Do' list write; 'Do-List' because 'to-do' suggests you will at some point/day soon will do it whereas 'do-list' shows a sense of urgency and a need to act NOW.

7. Have goals/intentions for deen and duniya. What does that mean? Well duniya could be your work, studies, businesses, projects and deen is your ibaadah - worship, dawah, studies but both deen and duniya can also be combined ie working on a project in and Islamic organisation.

Have long term goals (as well as short term). Five years from now. Ten years from now. My long term five year goals include excelling in all my businesses (four at the moment) hifz of the entire Qur'an, completing and furthering my Islamic studies to become a scholar, completing an Mphil/PhD in Islamic Human Rights Law, insha'Allah. (Duas please).

What's your long term goals/intentions? Aim for the highest and hope for the best!

8. Each day before you begin renew your intentions and each night for 15 minutes reflect on the day gone. Ask yourself, did I achieve? What could I have done better? What is more urgent? Etc

9. We're ALL suckers for technology! I admit - me too! But, seriously - and I mean seriously when I've had down time from technology, I work the best.

10. Cut the distractions. Consider your time - its precious. This means we all work best at different times. So when you're working on your goals/intentions make sure you're not getting distracted.

11. Read about biographies about our pious predecessors as well as historical figures. There's much to learn from them. I'm always learning something new or studying something new. My friends call me; 'Learning Machine'. It keeps me inspired, motivated and on the edge - to achieve!

12. For each goal set a realistic end date and break it down into smaller steps - like 'a, b, c' or '1, 2, 3' etc. That's the only way it will get done and that's what I do. Trust me. Its the only way.

13. Get motivating buddies. I know I personally struggle in this because I have so much to achieve. So I surround myself with my positive crew and so should you! Especially if you're going to embark on a big goal like studying a new course or memorisation of Qur'an. You NEED study buddies. And did you know that the 5 people you're around the most (minus) family shape up your world? Only the best in your world, ok?

14. Don't settle for less. Be the best. Ihsaan in everything we do. Why reach for the stars when YOU can have Jannah al-Firdaus?! Ready to aim high? Go for it insha'Allah and put 150% into everything! :)

15. Develop 'Laser-Focus'. I was once told by a fellow legal eagle colleague to develop laser focus like horses on a race track. They have blinkers on their heads and they can't see what's happening here or there except the finish line ahead. Well I'm not a horse (I am a horse lover though) but I've developed laser focus and when I'm focused I'm zoned out - I'm gone - you can't find me - but I get it all done hamdulilah! :D

16. Look after your health. Eat healthy and properly and get enough sleep that your body requires (note to self firstly!). Lots of water! I love water. Less 7-Up! (Ok, that was for me, sorry!) As they say in Urdu; 'Jaan hai tu jahaan hai' - 'If you have health you have the world' (Well that was my translation - roughly).

Spend time with loved ones. Elderly. Children. Animals. Get involved in charity work. Volunteer. It will make you an all rounded person - holistic. That's what Islam is all about.

17. Exercise - both physical and mental. I'm swimming again and started re-training martial arts (Kung Fu and Kick Boxing). Try something new - new sport?

Also, Read. Read a lot. What was the first word of the Qur'an? Read. Reading is powerful. Exercise the mind. Its a muscle and needs exercising. Read and learn. There's oceans of knowledge out there. Its like treasure waiting to be discovered. Go discover it!

18. Be Creative! Ok, well, I'm default right brain creative so I'm going to stress this big time. BE CREATIVE! Its fun! It keeps you inspired, motivated, curious, interested. I'm knitting little heart cushions, drawing cartoons, day dreaming. Its fun. Try it! :)

19. Here's where YOU add your motivation and inspiration. What do YOU do and why not inspire and motivate our WBI family? Let's help each other insha'Allah.

The key here to remember is what works for you, works only for you. The above is a guideline. You may have tried it and it may not have worked. You may have a better list that works perfectly for you. That's fine. I hope the above was a good motivator for you to keep going insha'Allah :)

Each moment could be our last but let's work so we don't waste a moment in attaining Jannah in the next insha'Allah.

Comment below or email me on [email protected] with your feedback and stay blessed! :)

The topic we are going to look at today is about 'Self-sabotage' and 'Victim mentality'.

Today's topic is pretty deep - in more ways than one. So before we begin I request you to read this only if you are ready to move on from all negativity in your life, if you're looking for some solutions and answers and if you want to start making positive changes in your world.

If you're feeling very low and emotional then this topic may really hit home and may upset you or may even make you angry.

However that is NOT my intention. It is not a personal attack on anyone as I don't know your situation personally. My intention is to help you as I helped myself many years ago.

This topic could also create some breakthrough moments for you and could leave you slightly overwhelmed and in a state of; 'What Now?!'

I do highly recommend you read this as it will help you so after reading this if you need to talk one to one then please email me: [email protected] as I'm also an 'Energy & Emotional Healing and EFT/EMT' therapist. 

So, don't feel you're alone, ok? :)

Everyone has a story to tell because everyone is on a journey. We are all travelers in this world and our ultimate destination is the next world - insha'Allah the gardens of Paradise, with our Creator - our Lord.

But on this journey many a thing can happen. It usually all starts at a young age - in our childhood. But maybe it started later in life. 

You were a happy-go-lucky person and something happened and you retreated - back into your shell. 

It could be a physical shell or psychological shell. But you chose to close off from everyone.

A bit like smiling and joking when in public but crying and depressed when alone.

Something keeps eating you up inside and you let that something dictate your actions - your life as you live it day in day out.

There's so much you want to achieve but you stop yourself every time you take a step forward. Or when working in groups you are loud and fierce and everyone is scared by your actions but when you're alone your like a soft cuddly teddy - harmless and kind.

So ask yourself, 'Why am I one way with people and why am I different when alone?'

Take a moment to truly reflect on this and write down your thoughts.

Are you the loudest, proudest and over the top when with people and quiet, timid, reflective and reserved when alone? (Or opposite in opposite situations).

If so, its your way of breaking free from those psychological shackles. You're trying to make a point. You want someone to hear your voice - your story. You just want to be understood.

Deep inside - rooted deep within there are unresolved issue.

Do you tell yourself; 'Well such and such happened to me which wasn't my fault so now I can't do this and that because I won't succeed, will fail, will lose...' And so on?

Do you know what you're doing to yourself? Are you aware of how you're treating yourself?

Its called; 'Self-sabotage' and 'Victim Mentality'

Its when you always consider yourself a victim because something(s) happened in your life because of others actions and now you always think that you will get hurt again and keep telling yourself you're a bad person, not good enough and then you see the exact same cycle in life repeating it self over and over again and then you keep feeding yourself with the same negative thoughts - sabotaging yourself. 

I know how that feels. Because I went through exactly just that for 30 years! And it wasn't until I fell really ill two years ago on my 30th birthday that things finally started to make some sense. It was then that I saw my life flash before me and it was then when I understood. It was time for change. It was time to take responsibility. It was time to move forward with my life.

What is Self-sabotage and Victim mentality?

Its when passive beliefs and behaviour can be detrimental to the soul - to our life - daily.

Its things in the past which are still eating us up today.

I still achieved all that I wanted to. I still studied, got the degrees, had the job I wanted, the friends, the family, the businesses. The daily ibaadah - salaah, Qur'an, dhikr, talking to Allah, studying about the deen and then teaching it in my weekend kids club.

But something was still deep rooted inside.

I had to deal with past issues to move on - to take full responsibility.

We HAVE to take full responsibility because the past is the past - its gone - it won't return. And if you feel that the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again then it because you haven't dealt with those issues. Its God's way of saying; 'When you've learnt the lesson you will be ready to move on!' And that's what happened to me!

"Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls)." [Quran 13:11]

That little voice in your head telling you you're not good enough will continue to tell you exactly just that until you take hold of it, shake it and say; 'Enough already!'

Its time to claim back YOUR life!

Negative beliefs need to be cut from the roots. Sometimes it takes time because maybe you don't realise when it all began or it could be lots of things.

But you need to become more comfortable and confident in your soul and start taking care of your soul.

We all take care of our bodies because imagine if we didn't shower or put on clean clothes? I don't think anyone would want to be around us. Yet we continuously neglect our soul. Not only do we need to nourish it with ibaadah but we also need to get rid off the harmful toxins that's slowly destroying it.

Just as narcotics and substances destroy the body, the intellect and eventually the soul - so do negative thoughts, words, statements and beliefs. 

Yes, they comfort us and are there for us. But they are bad friends only there to destroy us.

We need to stop being the victim or feeling like a victim and we need to get out of that negative hole fast - right NOW! (Else it'll continue to take us deeper and deeper down!)

Why? Because only then can we truly start to heal and move forward.

Yes, its difficult - I hear you. But one step at a time. One issue at a time. You owe it to your soul. We will be answerable to God on the Last Day. What will we say then?

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Take benefit of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free-time before your preoccupation, and your life before your death." (Hakim)

Victim mentality and self-sabotage is not only detrimental to our own souls but all those who are around us - our family, friends, pets...

Who wants to be around a grumpy, sad, depressed person?

Not me! Not You! Non of us!

Yet we're around our own grumpy, depressed selves!

You know half the time when we talk to ourselves we are just sooo cruel and heartless!!!

Imagine talking like that to your best friend or family? :-O

Exactly! We wouldn't have a best friend or family left!

You don't want to be stuck in this rut - I know - and I know you can be happier and more content. You will, insha'Allah.

Ready to break free from these shackles? Alhamdulilah. 

Check out the following tips.

Tips and Action Points:

1. Ibaadah - worship: Do NOT give up on your prayers, Qur'an, duas. They are soul therapy and a weapon of the believer. Never be unarmed. Always protect yourself with your armour. Our ibaadah is our armour!

2. Whose your crew? Did you know the five people we hang around the most (minus family) are the ones who help shape our lives. So whose in your crew? Happy dudes or nay-sayers?

3. Learn to forgive. If someone has hurt you - forgive them. Its VERY hard - I know - takes time. But you're doing it for yourself. By forgiving you are not saying that you condone their actions but you're releasing them from your thoughts. Let them go!

4. If you've been hurt physically or emotionally (domestic violence, abuse - sexual/physical) there is help available. By seeking help you are taking responsibility for yourself and saying you will heal and move forward. You are not weak but very strong and I'm proud of YOU!

5. Fill your soul will goodness - ibaadah, reading, friends, hobbies. Live the life you want to. The only one standing in your way is you. Get out of your own way and just go do it.

I pray that this post has helped you in some way. I know its very deep and you may need to read it a few times. But know that you're not alone. I've also been there and it was very tough. That's why I launched; 'We Be Inspired'.

If you need to talk email me [email protected]

Know that you're special and unique. Love yourself. Because God loves YOU! :)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

"There are no days in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Allah than these ten days." The people asked, "Not even jihad for the sake of Allah?" He said, "Not even jihad for the sake of Allah, except in the case of a man who went out to fight giving himself and his wealth up for the cause, and came back with nothing" [Bukhari]

But which 10 days was our beloved RasoolAllah (saw) talking about?

The Prophet (SAWS) said: There are no days greater in the sight of Allah and in which righteous deeds are more beloved to Him than these ten days (ten days of Dhu'l-Hijjah), so during this time recite a great deal of Tahleel ("La ilaaha ill-Allaah") ,Takbeer ("Allaahu Akbar") & Tahmeed("Al-hamdu Lillaah"). So say it loudly in the mosque, the home, the street and every place where it is permitted to remember Allah and mention His name out loud, as an act of worship and as a proclamation of the greatness of Allah, may He be exalted.

Ok, so its been like what two months already since our guest Ramadan left us?

How's your soul doing? High? Medium? Low? Loooooow???

We all go through our ups and downs, highs and lows.

Allah knows us - He created us - so He shows us ways in which we can stay on a spiritual high throughout the year.

He (swt) gives us short periods - short breaks, I like to call them 'Spiritual Retreats' where we can pick ourselves up again.

So here we are in the blessed days of a blessed month Dhul Hijjah - another chance for us to seek forgiveness for our sins, seek mercy from our Rabb and to try fix our broken spirits! (Trust me, I'm so glad I've got this opportunity again, Allahu Akbar - I need spiritual fixing!).

YOU with me on this spiritual retreat?

Good! Hamdulilah. 

And if your off for Hajj or already there then can you please make a special dua for our WBI family? JazaakAllah! :)

So here's the plan for us insha'Allah. I'll give you the overall plan, but its for you to make your own schedule - because we've all got different daily schedules. I mean normal peoples schedule begins from 9am til 5pm, but someone as abnormal as me my schedule is 5pm til 6am! (Don't ask!).

Here's how we can make this the best 10 spiritually high days insha'Allah. Here's our 'Quick Spiritual Fix!'

Grab a notepad and pen (ipads/iphones, etc, etc) and switch into Ramadan mode (to do this close your eyes and think of a day in Ramadan where you felt totally at peace and on a spiritual high - when you can feel a tingling throughout your body open your eyes and begin and yes, I can see you smiling!).

1. Obligatory Ibaadah:

Are we praying our five daily prayers and praying them on time? 

Do a prayer check! Check the times of start and end and pray!

2. Qur'an-Time:

How much time do we spend each day on Qur'an? Reading it, reciting it, memorizing it, listening to it, understanding and studying the translation.

Schedule in time for Qur'an. If we can make a date with the tv and our favourite shows then I'm sure we can make a date with the Qur'an. Start and end the day with the Qur'an

3. The Fast Life:

Get into Ramadan mode and fast. Fast the first 9 days including Arafah day (ladies - if you're on an ibaadah break you may not be able to fast and pray salah, but you can do the rest insha'Allah).

Fasting on the day of 'Arafah, the Prophet [sall-Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam] said: "Fasting the day of 'Arafah, I hope, will expiate the sins of the year before it and the year to come..." [Muslim]

4. NBN - Nocturnal By Nature 

Pray the night prayer. Qiyaam, tahajjud, read books, watch lectures, listen to audio reminders, study and recite more Qur'an.

If you're going to do an all-nighter then sprinkle a dose of the above insha'Allah. You'll be glad you did! :) 

5. Just Dua It!

Do you make dua? Allah says; 'Remember me and I shall remember you.' In a hadith qudsi He (swt) also says; '...walk to me and I shall run to you!' Yet most of us are still crawling!

Run to Allah!!! You have no where else to go!

Make dua, lots and lots. For yourself, family, your pet parrot, the entire Ummah. Raise your hands to the skies and make dua!
(No I don't have a mia mithu (parrot) but I do have a cat - Mano).

Study the Names and Attributes of Allah and so when you make dua you can call Him with those names (ie asking for rizq, forgiveness - its more powerful when asking by those specific names).

Make dua when it rains, when breaking the fast, between asr and maghrib prayer on Friday - on these occasions ones duas are answered.

The supplication of every one of you will be granted if he does not get impatient and say (for example): `I supplicated my Rubb but my prayer has not been granted'.'' [Bukhari and Muslim]

6. Dhikr Allah

'Keep the tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah'.

Make dhikr constantly.

If you're still struggling with vain talk and vulgar language - time to wash the mouth and tongue with dhikr Allah. Try it!

Just remind yourself - 'Dhikr and Tasbee'.

7. Charity

RasoolAllah (sws) said even a smile is charity but I bet you a camel or a sheep (well it is qurbani season!) that we can give more than a smile.

Give a pound to a charity a day.

Set up a direct debit to give charity on a deceased loved ones name.

Give and you shall receive! 

All our rizq is a blessing from Allah and He is the true owner of it. We can't take money to our grave - we can't use it as ransom to keep the punishment away! And so if Allah has blessed you with wealth then spend on those who have less than you.

Well, that was a long list! But I'm sure we can all do our part insha'Allah.

Is there anything else we could add to that list? Let me know insha'Allah.

May these blessed days be a true blessing for us all and may Allah (swt) shower - actually, no - may He (swt) send us all a tsunami of barakah and tawfeeq - ameen!

Now THAT was YOUR spiritual fix!

So, are your high yet? :)


Now CLICK HERE to grab your 10 Day Dhul-Hijjah Challenge Box! 

How do we spend most of our days? Do we consciously go through the day knowing what we are doing or do we just ‘flow’ through the day on auto-pilot? Maybe you’re half and half – half on auto and half conscious?

And, so, the question is – what about the other half?

We are so consumed in our day to day and our ‘to-do’ list that most the time we just go through the day and reach nightfall and not actually realise how we got there. A bit like driving a car or brushing our teeth. They become second nature and so we just do them! We are not fully aware of what we are doing – we are not really ‘in the moment.’

We go out for a walk to ‘clear our mind’ but because we have too much on our mind jumping up and down we forget to take in all the scenery whilst we’re out for a walk.

Ever been to the park for a walk and then you look back and realise you didn’t even notice the trees, the flowers, and the people?

That’s when we are not aware and not in the moment.

So, what is awareness?

Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns.

We always talk about not having enough time, always have too much on our mind, so many issues, too much going on, one thing doesn't end and another starts…

All this can seriously affect our health and also we lose the precious moment – the moment which we can look back on with a sense of contentment. This moment right now!

Are you aware and in the moment whilst you are reading this?

Because if you are truly in the moment right now then you will start to realise the questions I have asked you and you will start to automatically answer those questions and you’ll be saying; ‘Oh yeah…’ in your head.

Being aware of ourselves is very powerful.

Awareness - being conscious, being aware – it’s the first step towards making some changes you want to make and it really eases that heavy load/burden off your soul - just by consciously deciding to make change you'll fire up to all things possible - as they truly are possible!

It’s about being in the moment - having full focus, giving someone full attention. Giving you attention!

If we don’t realise that we have made some wrong choices or decisions in our life then how can we begin to make amends? How can we begin to change?

Everyone of us – and yes you included – have gone through a time when we complained about something and nothing seemed to change for the better until we suddenly had an ‘ah-ha’ moment or a sudden ‘breakthrough’. We realised that it was up to us to do something [insert whatever that was] and our situation would change – for the better.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an; "Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls)." [Quran 13:11]

Even Allah – our Creator – is telling us to become aware of ourselves, our situations and to take that first step and then He (swt) will help us.

It’s hard – I know – everything in life is hard – before you try it – but try it and see the difference it’ll make.

Become more aware of your surroundings – your moments – your time – become more aware of your soul. You are a spiritual being – you are a soul and have a body. We all take care of our body but amazingly we all seem to fail when it comes to taking care of our soul. If we look deep within us we have all the answers to all our questions. We need to become alchemists of our own life. We need to start trusting our intuition – our gut. We need to start trusting Allah more – because if we do then He (swt) will insha’Allah guide us to all the answers.

We waste so much precious time looking here and there for answers and then we feel even more discontent and even unhappy.

I mean, we were created happy – so, then, what happened? We allowed ‘things’ to get in the way and that just messed us up.

We are all responsible for our lives and there will come a day when we will be accountable for everything we have done and everything we do. We can’t come on that Day with an excuse of; ‘I didn’t know’ or ‘I wasn’t aware’. It won’t help us then. It’s not helping us now.

So let’s take this moment – you and I – and make a promise to become more aware of ourselves and our lives – so we can get rid of the unnecessary clutter and be content.

Here are some quick tips:

1. Spend at least 15 minutes each day in quiet contemplation. No, not whilst you’re multi-tasking a billion things but just you and Allah and that’s it. Listen to the silence. In these 15 minutes do some dhikr or tasbee to help you focus.  Try this after fajr or after isha or both. Listening to silence is extremely powerful!

2. Read up on ‘Purification of the Heart and Soul’ topics – to find out how our pious predecessors really got to know their inner core. They have left us with vast treasures and oceans of knowledge in this area. And we need it so much more today than they ever did back then.

3. By following the above two steps you will be able to question yourself on what makes you truly happy, what brings your down, what is it that you’re yearning, what is it that you’re trying to achieve – these types of questions can really take us to our core and help us understand ourselves – help us become aware of ourselves. So don’t be afraid of that internal dialogue – I mean, c’mon, it’s always chatting away in the background anyway – so how about we put it to some real use.

4. As a Spiritual and Creative Mentor/Coach I can help you unlock some of your deepest fears and help you towards self-awareness. To book a *FREE* 30 minute session email [email protected]  (or use the booking form on the website).

....From this moment onwards make a conscious decision to become more aware of whom you are. You have only one life here on planet Earth. Isn’t it time you lived it with some awareness?

Today's topic is about; 'Courage and being Courageous’.

Before we continue further I just want to point out that this topic is not only for females but also for males.

In a society where gender biases are at a high we are always told that men are brave and women are weak.

We're not talking about the gender differences which Allah (swt) has created but how we always tell boys; 'Boys don't cry they are brave' and we tell girls; 'It's ok to cry, you're a girl!'.

By doing this we subconsciously start accepting how we should behave when we get older and sometimes lack courage, self-confidence and self-respect in situations where we really need them the most.

We are all human and we all fall and we all - female and male - need to learn to be courageous, have self-confidence and learn self-respect.

Although these three - 'Courage, Self-Confidence and Self-Respect' - make for a nice separate essay each, I'm going to link all three together today in this short blog post. 

Why do we lack in courage, self-confidence and self-respect? When did it all start! And how did we allow it to eat us up and leave us for ruins?

Well, it all started when you were little...

*Re-wind to when you were 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7*....(grab the Kleenex if you need to and maybe some chocolate!)

Picture yourself trying to do something really cool (maybe dangerous) and something your friends hadn’t already tried. You were like the groups coolest kid! And just when you were about to take that step someone n the group called out ‘You can’t do it you’re a chicken – you’re too scared – watch you’re going to fall!’ and the sniggering and laughing started! (God, kids can be really crewel at times!).

Maybe that specific scenario didn’t happen to you (me neither!) – Whatever it was, it was something that you were about to do but everyone laughed at you and said you couldn’t do it!

Or maybe you were trying to read one of those hard-to-read books or trying to draw some cool pictures or wanted to make a really big Lego thing or try to score some goals in a football match.  It was something that you believed you could do and someone said that you couldn’t and made a joke out of you.

It stuck with you forever!

Maybe not the way it happened way back then – but you conditioned your mind in such a way that you started believing that you can’t achieve something, anything.

*Think of freshly baked bread – take a deep breath and smell that lovely aroma....mmmmm*

(We have to do that, to snap you out of the past!)

The craziest part is that you don’t have to think about your past all the time BUT those early years up to the age of 7 are when beliefs are formed and become part of us forever (Note: if you have younger siblings, nieces/nephews or children that age, then please feed them with positive beliefs NOW – you’ll thank me later!)

All those negative thoughts, beliefs and I can’t do, achieve, be this , that or the other become part of our subconscious and whenever something goes wrong now (whatever age you are right now) then we automatically fall back into that mind-set. And then you’re left wondering why you think all that stuff when it was way in the past!

It becomes a trap – you’re trapped and can’t get out of it and it becomes like a cycle – a vicious cycle. Every time something negative, wrong, not good happens, you fall back into the trap.

As we grew older those beliefs we formed at a younger age started to affect our confidence. We stopped being confident to do what we wanted to do. We don’t seem to have the courage to do what we believe deep inside we can do. We are afraid that we will fall and hurt and get laughed at. Fear paralyses us and either we don’t do anything (and stay in a negative, unhappy state) or do all the wrong things we know we shouldn’t really do! All those dreams, hopes and wishes we wanted to achieve – we just can’t seem to do them. We start looking for validation from others. We get into the wrong relationships, with the wrong people, for the wrong reasons. This is where we lose our self-respect. Maybe even getting into haraam. We constantly allow ourselves to go round and round in this cycle. We don’t apply for that job we want. We don’t change our bad habits (in our health, wealth, emaan) to better and positive ones and we get into our comfort-zone, one where we know if we don’t try, we won’t get hurt and we’ll be ok. We think we are happy there.

Ask yourselves – will you truly be happy?

If YOU don’t pluck up the courage and believe in yourself, then who will?

Why look towards others for validation?

Know that the one who created us – Allah – believes in us – and with Allah by our side we can achieve anything!

Now, you must be wondering; ‘I have so many negative beliefs – I want to get rid of them – what do I do?’

Read on insha’Allah...

Courage is not the lack of fear – in fact, fear teaches one to become courageous and I believe we have all come through some form of fear to make us brave and courageous. And I don’t think that once we have gone through a fearful event and learnt courage it stops. We will face fearful events all the time – from the very small to very big – it’s how we react when we’re in that situation and how we deal with that situation and how we come out of it which shows whether we are courageous or we lack courage. It gets stronger with time. It has to get stronger.

Courage is also linked to patience (make sure you read the post on ‘Patience’ if you haven’t already ---> http://www.webeinspired.com/1/post/2012/01/is-your-patience-a-virtue.html <--- ).

Allah (swt) says; “But indeed if any show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs” (42:43)

Tips and Action Points:

1. The past is the past – don’t fight it now – your present is what matters – BUT respect the past to move on. The past is what you were and what was back then – that is not who you are today and it won’t be who you are tomorrow. Make peace with the past and if you need to speak to someone to put the past to rest then email [email protected] we’re here for YOU!

2. Are you praying your Salah and reading your Qur’an daily? If not, start now!

3. Dua – is truly the weapon of the believer. Make lots of dua and sincerely ask Allah for help – he will help you.

4. Who is in your ‘Pit-Crew’? Who are your friends? Did you know that the 5 people you are around the most (minus your family) or who you interact with the most (In person, phone, emails etc) determine your success or failure? Are your friends with you or against you? (Don’t go dumping them all after you read this!) Are they negative or positive? Do they support you in your dreams or put you down? Are they your personal cheerleaders?

5. Grab a pen and paper and write down all those negative thoughts, words and statements. The ones that really make you feel like you are nothing. Be determined to move on and make positive changes in your world. Say; ‘Goodbye negative past’ and rip that piece of paper into tiny pieces and throw it away! Take a deep breath and let all those negativities all fall away – just as leaves fall off from trees on a windy day.

6. Grab a new piece of paper and write down all the positive words about yourself, your achievements, your successes (yes, this part can be hard – but then you need to train your brain to think in a new way) and who you desire to be. Read it over and over again and picture all that you want to be. Imagine it all. See it all happen. Just the way you want it to happen. Say Bismillah and start working on your new you NOW.

Again, this is not easy because all those thoughts and beliefs have been there for a long time. But remember that we have been feeding ourselves all that negativity for many years and we’ve invested many hours of training our brain that way. It will take a little time. But invest in it now and you shall reap the positive rewards insha’Allah.

Remember, be courageous in whatever you do – you have one life. Make the most of it. Work on your ibaadah. Don’t lose out. You can achieve all you want. Believe in yourself. Allah believes in you!