Well, You Just Can't Please Everyone...

Today's post is a reflection post. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to it. It comes after, well, a lot of reflection...

It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, its like we all have to go through this in our life. Once, twice, thrice...until we get the message, learn the lesson and move on.

Its like, you set out to do good and spread good, but there is always someone who will shake a pointy finger at you and say; 'Well, that's just not good enough!' Or; 'You're wrong!'

You know, it could have even started very young. At school maybe? Your teacher didn't like your drawing when you were in reception class age 4/5. You thought you were Picasso creating a masterpiece with your house and four windows, a door in the middle, a pathway leading to the front gates, a tree and a cat - but she clearly thought otherwise! (And no, that didn't happen to me and yes I did draw that drawing and admit it, so did you!).

It could have happened in later life. Your parents, siblings, friends pointing that pointy finger, rolling their eyes and choruses of; 'You just can't ever get it right can you?!'

Ever had that happen to you? Like over and over and...

*Ouch*

Its like a punch in the face and instant knock out. You're trying to get up and recover and there goes the bell for round two!

*Double ouch!*

Why do we allow ourselves to get hurt this way? In fact, why do we do things to always please others or get approval?

Why???

Its a proven psychological fact (you can google it) that humans have six basic needs. This theory was proposed by Maslow in 1943 in his paper; 'A Theory of Human Motivation'. In later years Tony Robbins (one of the Gurus of Personal Development and from whom yours truly is heavily inspired, motivated and influenced by) came up with his own six basic needs. Both Maslow and Robbins state that one of these needs is love/connection/belonging and another is significance (Robbins). 

We want to be and feel loved. We want to be and feel connected. We want to belong (either to immediate loved ones or in larger social groups - social acceptance). We want to be and feel significant.

These are almost like our survival tools and to an extent a healthy dose of each is required for the healthy and holistic development of a human being.

However, what can happen is that we get to a stage in life where we are always looking for approval and doing things to get attention so we feel significant - important - worthy.

This may even lead us sometimes to do or act in unhealthy or immoral ways. Just so we get that approval.

If you've ever been through any of that then know that its ok because what you were doing was being human (by the way I don't condone immorality).

All humans do this! But the correct way would be if parents/teachers/guardians gave children the correct form of encouragement and support at an early age - even through our failures then we wouldn't be so messed up today.

*Eureka Moment!*

That's why I said at the beginning - we've ALL been through it.

Because it started young and was embedded in us (usually around age 6) and we started to look for acceptance and feel low and sad if discouraged, it stayed with us. Its in our subconscious. It might even be eating you up right now!

*Is it?*

So even if your friends or family do this to you then realise that even they have been through it. 

Its like a sad, vicious, psychological cycle! 


*Yuk!*

But it's time to break FREE - when? NOW!

Allah (swt) has sent down a book of guidance. In it are treasures that even if Captain Hook knew about them then he would go out in search for them (and be one of the good guys)!

This book - the Qur'an - is a guidance for mankind and therein lie all the answers.

Do YOU want to stop this 'pleasing everyone' and looking for acceptance and feeling significant (beyond what is required as a basic need?) Then for YOU the Qur'an has a message...

Ready? Bismillah...

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

That's it! That's the one!

Read it again, re-read it, re-read it again and now STOP - sit back, take 5 and reflect.

I'll be right here when you come back - after 5 - we need to finish this post...

Back? Cool!

Ok, so yes, that's a verse which we need to memorise and truly reflect upon insha'Allah.

What does it really mean? Simply this - that all that we do is for the sake of Allah - we live for Him and die for Him - only!

And before you say; 'That's easy said than done!' - Well, yes, I know! This is life, it's not meant to be easy. That's not how lessons are learnt!

If we give ourselves a chance and really apply this verse to our lives then almost all our worries will vanish.

This is not to say that if you're at work you don't do what's in the job description or with a loved one you don't give them time etc - that's just silly. We have our worldly things to do and our worship to do. We have to balance it all.

But if we understand this verse then the burden can be lifted and we can break free from these shackles. These shackles that weigh us down because we do stuff just to get approval and feel significant. And in the process are always unhappy, low, sad and have low self-esteem/confidence.

Our purpose of creation is not to spend our days pleasing others or scheming of ways to gain approval.

That's a waste of time and life and both are precious.

Stop doing unnecessary things for approval! If they don't approve of you just the way you are then they never will!

And if they laugh and hate then its on them - they have issues that they need fixing. The issue is not with you but them. And if you laugh or hate or treat others as though they always need your approval then stop and fix up as the issue is with you!

If all of us could just take responsibility for our own actions and start fixing our broken hearts and healing our torn souls then we can start to be ok.

We can't change anyone else's behaviour or actions but we can only change our reactions.

Action Point & Tips:

1. What positive changes can you start making in your own lives?

2. How will you help younger souls (children/siblings/nieces/nephews) on this path to pleasing Allah alone (using the verse as an example)?

3. How will you react if you feel the need to please someone or seek their approval for your existence.

Don't just read this post and be inspired by it only but get motivated to take action insha'Allah. Want to see change? Then be the change! Today!

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

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