Ever been worried silly about something that you pulled half your hair out and then everything was suddenly okay?!

That's what worrying can do sometimes - make us half bald!

And no one likes to be bald! 

Well, unless you're a male whose reading this then you might like the baldilocks looks but us females like a head full of hair!
Anyways... 

Worrying about something you have no control over is actually wasting the precious moments we have in life.

We need to start controlling our thoughts - if we control our thoughts we can change our state. 

Its pretty simple but we humans do like to make things difficult for ourselves.

Sometimes we worry about things way in the past like decades ago which have long gone yet we repeat them in our mind again and again. That's self-sabotage (and there's a post already written and dedicated to that - do have a read).

We worry out of fear - fear of the unknown - not knowing the outcome of something.

We may worry about the events in the future. 

Here's a clue - its the future - it hasn't happened yet, so why are you working yourself up for?

This kind of worrying only makes things worse and can have adverse affects on our health. Not to mention that a job you could do well you might end up doing pretty badly just because you built up all that unnecessary worry.

"Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength." Corrie ten Boom 

Then there's the immediate type of worry - the hear and now - this moment - something that's just happened. 

But because we've already overloaded our mind with past worries and future worries we can't focus on the issue at hand and we get overly emotional and mess up! (Note: emotions are good if we learn to balance them).

So the question is; 'What are you worrying about?'

Is it the past which you now need to heal and lay to rest or is it the future which you need to prepare for?

Here's another clue - now is when you deal with both.

This moment is when you finally heal the past, lay it to rest and release it. And this moment is where you prepare and plan for the future - write a step by step action point list of what needs to be done (if its an event or something you are organising or working towards completing exams, assignments etc).

Are you still following me right here right in the now?

Good. Alhamdulilah.

Uthman Ibn Affan said: 

"Worrying about this duniya is a darkness in the heart and worrying about the akhirah is a light in the heart."

Would you like some heart therapy right now? Would you like some light to enter your heart right now?

God is Light! :)

*Take a deep breath in - hold - and breathe out. Do this three times - each time relaxing each muscle in your body from head to toe and releasing all worries. Let them fall away from you as leaves fall from the trees now. That's right. Be in the now. Feel your body being relaxed to the core and feel the calmness enter your soul. Allow and give permission for light to enter your heart now.*

Eyes open please. Thank you. (Well if you had your eyes closed that is). What's your favourite dish? Well, mines anything that tastes good, really ;)

Now here's a dua for you to read insha'Allah.

The Prophet (pbuh) said; 'Whoever is afflicted with grief and distress should recite the following dua'; "O Allah, I am your slave, the son of your slave. My forelock is in Your Hand. Your judgment of me is inescapable. Your trial of me is just. I am invoking You by all the names that You call Yourself, that You have taught to anyone in Your creation, that You have mentioned in Your Book, or that You have kept unknown. Let the Qur'an be delight of my heart, the light of my chest, the remover of my sadness and the pacifier of my worries." (Source: Musnad Ahmad # 1/391)

I know what you're thinking; 'Nadia - good stuff - however you don't know me, my life, my struggles, my worries or what I'm going through - easy said than done!'

OK, so I don't know you personally. But guess what? I'm also human who has human issues and human emotions and issues. 

I may not know or feel what you're personally worrying about but I've had my share of past worries, future worries and present worries. And what did they do? Rob me off my time and my 'this moment' and who was responsible for that? Yup, me!

The thing is, if we want to reduce our worries then we need to become responsible for our lives.

That's what I'm all about and that reflects in my work and the message I want to give to everyone.

If we want to make positive changes in our life then we have to take responsibility for our life. We can't go a life through blaming others. Enough is enough! You were created for greatness and you too can live your best life - if you give yourself permission and allow yourself to be you.

Worrying unnecessarily has never helped anyone in life but made things worse.

Are you ready to take action?

Yes? 

Excellent! Read on for today's tips and action points and insha'Allah you'll be soon saying; 'Why worry about it?' :)

(If no then please go back to the top and read this post again!)

"So do not lose heart nor fall into despair; for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith." {Qur'an 3:139)

Time to gain mastery over your life. Grab your journal and pencil/pen. Bismillah.

Tips and Action Points:

1. Identify your worries:

- Are they past, present or future?

- What exactly is it that is worrying you about that specific situation?

- Are these worries for real and have real immediate consequences or just thoughts you've thought up?

- What three steps can you take immediately to reduce and eliminate these worries now?

2. Dua and Visualise:

- Remember the dua and exercise we did five minutes ago (if you've already forgotten scroll up) - do that exercise again and recite that dua frequently and especially after your salah (prayers).

- Never miss your daily Salah, Qur'an, Dhikr, Tasbee (and dua). Don't let any excuse come between you and your ibaadah - your connection with your Creator - never! 

3. Check your Thoughts:

- How are you spending your time daily? (Especially your alone time). What are you thinking? How does it make you feel?

- If you answered in the negative then now is the time to change it into the positive. That's right. Now is the time to gain mastery over your thoughts insha'Allah.

- Get some new hobbies to occupy your free time. Get active in life. Start to journal your thoughts and to see if they actually have any real ground (usually they don't - they are just like weeds growing uncontrollably in your mind) and what steps you need to take to deal with them.

- Realise right now that you HAVE control over your thoughts. Your thoughts will determine your state, mood, body posture, emotions. As soon as you get the worrisome weedy thought snap yourself out of it. Try it now. You can do it. If I can then so can you!

Remember no one else is responsible for the weeds that grow in our mind except us.

No one said it would be easy and it won't be easy at the start. You may start and stop and even feel like giving up. The key is to never give up and to never lose hope in Allah's mercy and help.

Take action now and get rid off those worries insha'Allah.

Comment below and let me know your 'thoughts' on this post. Let's become an active community who helps each other. You never know who you might inspire and motivate with your words! :)

Have you ever kept a secret from someone (parents, siblings, friends, spouse, authority)?

How did it make you feel?

Are you keeping a secret right now?

How does it make you feel?

Do you have that uneasy feeling inside? Like a gazilion butterflies in your tummy flapping their wings away, a sudden hot flush and rush in your body?

Yeah we've all been there (yes, me too!) And we've all kept a secret or currently keeping one.

But why do we torture ourselves like this and spend day in day out like we're guilty of a crime and too scared to get caught? 

Because we'll have to come clean and do the time?

Why can't we live happily without secrets?

Keeping secrets can be psychologically damaging for our soul - seriously! 

There are two types of secret-keeping. The Good and The Detrimental.

When does secret-keeping start?

Well, it starts at age 4/5 as we want to keep secrets from our parents - its a type of transition for human beings.

You know we as humans are always evolving and each age range signifies a specific growth period within us.

In adulthood secrets can become a powerhouse where they start controlling you rather than you controlling them!

Secrets could be due to shame, guilt and fear - for whatever has or is happening.

Again these are psychological that are torturing us from within and become controlling. Your every move could be determined by the secret.

Another type of 'secret- keeping' are those secrets that we keep from ourselves. This means not admitting to ourself why we have such feelings or why we do what we do. It becomes a vicious cycle and it leads to pain and hurt as well as ailments and illnesses. 

In these instances one would need professional help and one should seek it as its one of the ways forward insha'Allah.

Secrets could be kept by children - especially in cases of abuse - and if not dealt with in childhood can lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem and hiding behind a mask for many, many years.

It could lead to the abused becoming an abuser.

Keeping secrets could be kept by women and men suffering from domestic violence and the fear of others knowing. Again that vicious 'fear-shame-guilt' cycle.

This secret-keeping can also be detrimental in all your relationships. Your relationship with Allah, with your loved ones, with your colleagues. 

Your worship is affected. Your work is affected. You're always uneasy and just can't get those negative thoughts out of your head.

It can even make you severely depressed and stuck in further soul-hurting habits or make you bitter and competitive with anyone and everyone. I mean good competition is healthy in healthy bite size doses but competition where you always want to prove others wrong and become aggressive can also have deep, long term effects.

On the other hand there is a, what I call, 'good secret'. 

This is a type of 'trust' between two people or a group of people for something 'good'.

Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The worst of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Rising is a man who goes to his wife or his wife goes to him and then he discloses her secret." [Muslim] 

From this hadith we can clearly see that if either spouse was to reveal the others secrets then it would destroy their relationship.

In this case it is good to keep the others secret - and remember the bond between two of you is sacred.

These secrets are an amanah - a trust and we must do our utmost to honour them insha'Allah.

As they say if it couldn't stay in your tummy for long and you had to tell someone then that other person will do the same!

*Breathe*

So we've established that there's different types of secrets and some can be seriously harmful.

What do we do about the harmful, detrimental ones and how do we move forward?

We have to move forward - we can't stay stuck in this mud forever!

Check out today's tips and points.

They are meant to be as a 'guidance' and not to be treated as any form of 'legal or medical' advice. In cases where you feel you need professional help then please do so as help is available.

Keep reading to find out more...

Tips an Action Points:

1. The first thing is to reflect. Are your secrets a 'good' type or the 'detrimental' type?

- If good then you know why you kept them - honour them!

- If not good and they make you feel scared and threatened then you need to seek professional help insha'Allah.

- Try and avoid secret-keeping situations - especially the detrimental ones and if it is safe for you to walk away from them (and you don't feel threatened) then walk away, please!

2. Taqwa - God Consciousness - being aware that God Almighty is watching our every move. If we keep secrets from our ownself then know that He (swt) knows - He (swt) knows what's in the breasts of men. Nothing is hidden from Him!

- We have two angels on each of our shoulders recording every word and action. Keep a secret if you will but they are writing away and we will be accountable for them on the Last Day.

"And indeed, [appointed] over you are keepers, noble and recording; they know whatever you do" {Al-Infitar; 10-12}.

- How do you want to face God on the Last Day?

- Are your secrets secretly eating your soul?

3. Get Creative! Depending upon your secret you could always journal about it and then burn it (if it is safe to do so). Or write them on a piece of paper and shred them or throw them away. Its a form of emotional release. 

- You could forgive the one who hurt your soul. And forgiveness is not to say that you condone their behaviour but a way for you to move forward. Think about it for a moment. They have long moved on and you're still suffering. Why? What purpose does it serve? Do you want to continue like this or finally be happy with you?

4. Its good to talk. If it is any form of abuse (that you're suffering as you read this) then seek professional help. Listen I know its scary but if you stay scared then you're hurting you even more. There's many organisations set up to help you and you can remain anonymous.

- If its way past when and its still eating up inside then again seek professional help. There's nothing wrong with speaking to a counsellor. They will help you move forward. Trust me, you owe it to your own soul.

5. Dua - Supplication - to the Creator. He created us and He listens to us. Don't underestimate the power of direct dua to Allah. Talk to Him and He (swt) will help you and show you the light.

Things happen in life. This life is a test and God does not burden a soul more than it can handle. There's a lesson to learn from it. The more angry or frustrated you get the more you're hurting yourself.

Keep a secret where it is for the good and it is a trust and you know God will be proud of you for it. But where a secret is causing you pain, grief, heartache, illness - please seek professional advice. 

Why live this life of pain when you can deal with it and finally move forward?

Look after yourself. Remember YOU'RE worth it! 

Oh and don't keep this post a secret - share it because it might just help someone out there insha'Allah :)

...Whose the fairest of them all?

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs!

What a fairy tale, eh?!

I grew up on all these Disney fairy tales and all things Disney. I had the entire book collection and I guess Snow White was my favourite (as was Cinderella and Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty and you know the rest...).


But today's post is not about my childhood Disney love it's about...YOU.

I want to ask you a question.

Do YOU love yourself?

You do? Ok cool, excellent. So why do you love yourself?

And if you just said no then why don't you love yourself?

If you said something like, 'I love myself because I'm beautiful and everyone tells me I'm beautiful' - then I'm sorry to say so dear, that's not quite the answer I was looking for. (And there's nothing wrong with you being beautiful or someone telling you that you are beautiful - that's cool!)

If you said something like, 'I don't love myself because I'm _________ (insert self sabotaging words) and everyone says I'm ugly' then dearest you too, that's not what I wanted to hear.

See, the reason why I ask you this question is because I want to know what's your perception or definition of love for yourself or self-love.

So if someone tells you that you're beautiful is that the only reason to love yourself?

And if someone says you're ugly or YOU look in the mirror and 'see' ugly because of x, y, z feature which is not what you want then is that really a reason not to love yourself?

What do YOU see when you look in the mirror?

And why are you waiting for someone else's validation of you?

Did your fellow being create you?

*Just checking!*

Ok, so I know, I know - don't scream at me or the screen - its nice when someone acknowledges us and tells us we are beautiful because it really lifts us up - high in the sky.

But this high is not a forever high!

"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself." Thich Nhat

Take the story of the queen in Snow White. When she asked the mirror who the fairest one was the jeany beany in the mirror was forced to say 'You Oh Queen' (or something like that - I haven't watched or read Snow White in decades) and then the queen was happy. She had to be validated by someone (or something) to accept herself.

But as soon as Snow White stepped up onto the scene it was a whole different ball game!

We spend too much of our valuable time looking for validation from others.

Yes both females and males!

Yet we don't really accept ourselves.

Its only when we finally accept ourselves with all our flaws and warts and whatever is when we finally become liberated or free.

"You say that you are just a body, but inside of you is something greater than the Universe." Imam Shafi (rahimullah)

I know I've quoted this quote many times in the posts before but honestly it really touches me to the core...deeply.

And you know I'm all about 'Soulful Therapy'.

We spend all that time caring and looking after our external selves that we forget our internalness.

The queen in Snow White may have been 'beautiful' on the outside but on the inside she was EVIL, NASTY and MEAN!

(She was nasty...!)

Allah (swt) does not look towards our bodies, nor towards our appearances but towards our heart. (Hadith Muslim)

The thing is that - even though Allah (swt) created our bodies and our beauty - our external - what He (swt) is looking at is our internal state - our heart - and then our deeds.

I say heart first because we know (Islam teaches us) that actions come from intentions. And so where are our intentions formed? Yes, exactly - internal - the heart!

We can pretend as much as we want and fool as many as we want to but God knows our internal state - He (swt) knows the state of our hearts.

Let's fix up now insha'Allah.

On the other hand we have the issue where we want others to love us yet we fail to love ourselves!

Why?

Its not arrogance to love oneself but its about accepting YOU as you ARE!

Stop hurting your own self and not loving yourself. You have to love yourself first to love others.

Its the only way!

Otherwise you'll spend a life of sadness, misery and always looking for validation.

The next person who is always validating you has their own issues to deal with.

Enough is enough!

Time to love ourselves again.

Starting right NOW!

Give yourself permission - it is ok and safe to do so - and bismillah.

Tips and Action Points:

1. Take a deep breath in, hold and on the exhale release all negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself (or what others have said about you).

---> Do this three times until you're in a relaxed state.

---> Feel that burden being lifted off from you and feel all the negativity fall away like leaves fall from the trees on a windy day.

2. Write down all the negative words which are hurtful and others have said and then trash it in the bin!

---> Take another three deep breaths and this time inhale and exhale both happy and positive words that YOU would use to describe YOU.

---> Write down a positive and true statement about yourself.

---> And YES there is a positive statement about you!

---> Remember before you began this task you gave yourself permission?

---> Write something like; 'I give myself permission to love myself and truly be me as God Almighty has created me in the best form to worship Him firstly and then achieve both greatness and goodness and I love myself alhamdulilah'. 

3. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

---> Go to your favourite mirror in the house (yes the one that you have your imaginary conversations with about everything!).

---> Take your positive written. statement about yourself with you.

---> Before you look into the mirror say 'bismillah' and read the dua for looking into the mirror.

اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي

Allahumma anta hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi

"O Allah, just as you have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well."

(Kul: 'Ameen!')

---> Then look into your eyes - hold your gaze and accept yourself! 

Read your positive statement three times whilst holding your gaze.

---> Do this exercise once every day for the next seven days and see what happens insha'Allah.

Once you get the confidence you can add to your statement or even look at your features and each time give thanks to Allah for creating you in the best form.

Next time you can hold your gaze and give thanks for all the skills and abilities Allah has blessed you with.

And the time after that you can be thankful for all that He (swt) has allowed you to be, do and have.

The purpose is to become confident within and to accept who you are.

There is something special and unique about YOU that God has created in YOU. 

Let me know how this exercise goes for you insha'Allah. 

Leave me comment and please share this post with everyone. I know this will help at least one soul you share it with. 

This exercise may be well out of your comfort zone or a little scary at first - I hear you - but if you don't try, you won't know.

And remember, if you don't love yourself, then don't expect someone else to! Love YOU first! :)

Success is personal and everyone has their own definition of it. And that's cool.

Some would define success as academic achievements, some as moving up the career ladder or promotion, some as being the best parent/child/spouse, some as been able to pray night pray every night and few pages of Qur'an every single day and some would define it as a combination of all.

Again, that's cool, because each one of us is different and each one of us has different dreams and hopes and wishes to achieve.

All successful people - in whatever they are successful in - have daily routines and habits that they have established.

The western personal development gurus swear by them and are always teaching and drilling these routines and habits into their students.

Obviously they got it from Islam! :D

For instance we are taught by Rasool Allah that he would make the following dua; He said: "O Allah, bless my Ummah in its early hours."

The early hours are the best. Praying night prayer in the last third of the night. Then praying Fajr and then reading some Qur'an. Its also one of the best times to read Qur'an as it's witnessed and recorded by the angels. And then follow this with quiet contemplation or in other words dhikr-Allah. Recite some tasbee, focus on the meaning. It will help quieten the mind of useless chatter and help us focus better.

There's a reason why many meditate and do yoga in the early hours and that's one of the reasons they can have laser focus and achieve so much!

So, we need to develop some positive habits and routines.

If you haven't already then master the morning prayer routine and then add your mantras to it.

What are these mantras?

They are like statements - positive statements - repeated often which get us into a positive mindset and help us focus on the task at hand or our long term goals.

What is YOUR mantra? 

Would you like to succeed and continuously have that energy switch which gets you into top form as and when you need it? 

Then it's time to create YOUR 'Unique Success Mantra' (if you haven't already). 

Read it, memorize it and switch into 'Excel-Mode' as and when you need.

But before we begin - we need to clear the clutter and have a soulful therapy moment. 

We need to get rid of the trash from our soul and know that 'things will happen' - yes they will - that's the nature of our lives - even if you're the happiest care-free soul, it doesn't mean you won't be put into compromising situations - even if its not to do with you directly, then a loved one, friends, colleagues - and some being intimate and close relations - how do you deal with their issue(s) successfully, help them through it and then switch back into your own 'Excel Mode', back on track? 

Its about recognising and appreciating the importance of 'each' moment, which ties into the core of your existence - your life - which is limited and being time-bound, we have to get the best and enough done in the 'time' we have and so that means working on our 'focus'. 

We need to keep in mind the above and work on a step by step method on regaining our focus. 

Well, how do we do that? 

Here's how;

a) Appreciating your life as 'Limited, Time-Bound and Precious'

b) Your goals and ambitions are all time-bound - we have to achieve them in a specific time.

c) What is precious is cared for and looked after (like a small child/animal). So what is precious to you? Is your life precious?

d) Know that there is someone who you call on 24/7, 365 days without an appointment and without waiting in a queue and who will help you - who? Allah

e) Supplicate (make dua) to Him and ask Him to help you

f) Know that you're a means by which Allah wants goodness for your loved one - He put you there to help them - He gives you the strength to help them

g) Know that you can only help those who want to be helped - in the end its between them and God

h) Be polite, assertive, direct and confident when helping your loved ones - because you need to get back to your work/life/study - and there's only so much you can do for someone

i) Always leave them in a happy, positive state - leave them with duas, ayahs and ahaadith - leave them hopeful - and insha'Allah they will soon see the light

j) After you've helped them go back to your 'Success Mantra' (which we will create in a minute) and point #a above

k) Eat healthy food, fruit, vegs, plenty of water, light exercise daily, walk daily, be in nature, parks, trees, flowers and listen to some Qur'an. Take a tech-break - no phones, tv, net, social media etc

l) If the issues are seriously intense - then do the above point #k at least three times (different things from the list insha'Allah to add variety) and read your 'success' mantra again and point #a above again - and you'll soon be back on track and you'll have regained your focus insha'Allah!

As I pointed out above we need to fix the issues of our soul first and you know things will creep up but you have to create awareness and be ready to deal with them.

"Richness does not lie in the abundance of (worldly) goods but richness is the richness of the soul." Sahih Muslim Book 005: Hadith 2287

So now we have regained our focus - its time to create our success mantra insha'Allah.

I'm going to share mine with you. Use it as a template or be inspired to jot your own down. In fact, mine is not even a one word statement or one line sentence. Its a whole paragraph and was inspired by a personal development book I read. Its pretty personal to me as I add the things that apply directly to me so you can add your own and personalise it insha'Allah.

Its helped me to create laser focus and to get things done - alhamdulilah. And I read it daily!


Bismillah

***From this moment on I will do what I need to do in order to excel in my deen, my ibaadah, my spirituality, my studies, my work, my businesses, my health, my wealth, my relationships and my life! I will operate in '150% EXCEL MODE turBo flow' from now on in every aspect of my life and be the best. I'm tired of being second best. I will Excel. I choose to be Extremely Successful insha'Allah, ameen!*** :)


So, there you have it. My success mantra.

By the way success is allowed in Islam - its how we deal with it and how we use it.

Remember we have 'One Life and One Chance' to do all the good and right things and we should all have that 'One Vision' - Jannah al-Firdaus and to get there we have to pass the tests from this life. And Allah (swt) grants success to whom He wills - this world and the next!

"Whoever works righteousness - whether male or female - while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)" [al-Nahl 16:97]

Ready to write YOUR 'Success Mantra?'

Just before you create yours and read it I want you to do a quick exercise. This involves you getting into a peak state. Think of a time when you were really happy with your achievement (whatever it is). I want you to feel that moment throughout your body. I want you to smell all the smells associated with it. What things were going through your mind at that time? What were you feeling? Feel it. Use all your five senses. Increase the feeling. Make it very bright and visual. Make it into 3D. And when you're at that peak state (or a halaal happy high) write your mantra and start repeating it.

Say Bismillah and just go do it!

Hope that helped y'all! :)

Leave a comment below to inspire all our WBI'ers and email me if you need help with writing your success mantra or to go through those steps to trash that junk insha'Allah!

Today's post is a reflection post. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to it. It comes after, well, a lot of reflection...

It doesn't matter who you are or where you're from, its like we all have to go through this in our life. Once, twice, thrice...until we get the message, learn the lesson and move on.

Its like, you set out to do good and spread good, but there is always someone who will shake a pointy finger at you and say; 'Well, that's just not good enough!' Or; 'You're wrong!'

You know, it could have even started very young. At school maybe? Your teacher didn't like your drawing when you were in reception class age 4/5. You thought you were Picasso creating a masterpiece with your house and four windows, a door in the middle, a pathway leading to the front gates, a tree and a cat - but she clearly thought otherwise! (And no, that didn't happen to me and yes I did draw that drawing and admit it, so did you!).

It could have happened in later life. Your parents, siblings, friends pointing that pointy finger, rolling their eyes and choruses of; 'You just can't ever get it right can you?!'

Ever had that happen to you? Like over and over and...

*Ouch*

Its like a punch in the face and instant knock out. You're trying to get up and recover and there goes the bell for round two!

*Double ouch!*

Why do we allow ourselves to get hurt this way? In fact, why do we do things to always please others or get approval?

Why???

Its a proven psychological fact (you can google it) that humans have six basic needs. This theory was proposed by Maslow in 1943 in his paper; 'A Theory of Human Motivation'. In later years Tony Robbins (one of the Gurus of Personal Development and from whom yours truly is heavily inspired, motivated and influenced by) came up with his own six basic needs. Both Maslow and Robbins state that one of these needs is love/connection/belonging and another is significance (Robbins). 

We want to be and feel loved. We want to be and feel connected. We want to belong (either to immediate loved ones or in larger social groups - social acceptance). We want to be and feel significant.

These are almost like our survival tools and to an extent a healthy dose of each is required for the healthy and holistic development of a human being.

However, what can happen is that we get to a stage in life where we are always looking for approval and doing things to get attention so we feel significant - important - worthy.

This may even lead us sometimes to do or act in unhealthy or immoral ways. Just so we get that approval.

If you've ever been through any of that then know that its ok because what you were doing was being human (by the way I don't condone immorality).

All humans do this! But the correct way would be if parents/teachers/guardians gave children the correct form of encouragement and support at an early age - even through our failures then we wouldn't be so messed up today.

*Eureka Moment!*

That's why I said at the beginning - we've ALL been through it.

Because it started young and was embedded in us (usually around age 6) and we started to look for acceptance and feel low and sad if discouraged, it stayed with us. Its in our subconscious. It might even be eating you up right now!

*Is it?*

So even if your friends or family do this to you then realise that even they have been through it. 

Its like a sad, vicious, psychological cycle! 


*Yuk!*

But it's time to break FREE - when? NOW!

Allah (swt) has sent down a book of guidance. In it are treasures that even if Captain Hook knew about them then he would go out in search for them (and be one of the good guys)!

This book - the Qur'an - is a guidance for mankind and therein lie all the answers.

Do YOU want to stop this 'pleasing everyone' and looking for acceptance and feeling significant (beyond what is required as a basic need?) Then for YOU the Qur'an has a message...

Ready? Bismillah...

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

That's it! That's the one!

Read it again, re-read it, re-read it again and now STOP - sit back, take 5 and reflect.

I'll be right here when you come back - after 5 - we need to finish this post...

Back? Cool!

Ok, so yes, that's a verse which we need to memorise and truly reflect upon insha'Allah.

What does it really mean? Simply this - that all that we do is for the sake of Allah - we live for Him and die for Him - only!

And before you say; 'That's easy said than done!' - Well, yes, I know! This is life, it's not meant to be easy. That's not how lessons are learnt!

If we give ourselves a chance and really apply this verse to our lives then almost all our worries will vanish.

This is not to say that if you're at work you don't do what's in the job description or with a loved one you don't give them time etc - that's just silly. We have our worldly things to do and our worship to do. We have to balance it all.

But if we understand this verse then the burden can be lifted and we can break free from these shackles. These shackles that weigh us down because we do stuff just to get approval and feel significant. And in the process are always unhappy, low, sad and have low self-esteem/confidence.

Our purpose of creation is not to spend our days pleasing others or scheming of ways to gain approval.

That's a waste of time and life and both are precious.

Stop doing unnecessary things for approval! If they don't approve of you just the way you are then they never will!

And if they laugh and hate then its on them - they have issues that they need fixing. The issue is not with you but them. And if you laugh or hate or treat others as though they always need your approval then stop and fix up as the issue is with you!

If all of us could just take responsibility for our own actions and start fixing our broken hearts and healing our torn souls then we can start to be ok.

We can't change anyone else's behaviour or actions but we can only change our reactions.

Action Point & Tips:

1. What positive changes can you start making in your own lives?

2. How will you help younger souls (children/siblings/nieces/nephews) on this path to pleasing Allah alone (using the verse as an example)?

3. How will you react if you feel the need to please someone or seek their approval for your existence.

Don't just read this post and be inspired by it only but get motivated to take action insha'Allah. Want to see change? Then be the change! Today!

"Say: "Verily, my Salah (Prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of ALL that exists''. [Qur'an (6:162)]

We live in a society and culture where we want to work hard only so we accumulate all the goods of this world. 

We want, want and want!

Its ok to have goods of this world - if done in moderation.

We need a roof on top our heads and clothes on our body. We need that. So we work for it and its ok.

I don't judge as that's not my purpose in life. I believe if God has blessed us with wealth then we can buy what we want so long as we give plenty in charity and help our loved ones. That's my personal belief and I stick by it.

But there is a difference in being rich and blessed by God and just wasting that money on things we don't need at all.

Western personal and spiritual development Guru's live by the daily mantra of; 'Give and You shall Receive'. Its from the Bible.

But what's amazing is that our deen - Islam - also teaches us to give. It teaches us this principle in depth - subhan'Allah! 

Giving in charity is fundamental in Islam and there are two types - obligatory and voluntary.

We know that Zakah is one of the Pillars of Islam - to give 2.5% of our wealth to the needy (in the Qur'an there are 8 categories of people who are eligible for Zakah). This is a form of obligatory charity.

Sadaqa is voluntary charity and something we should do on a daily. It is a form of ibaadah - worship.

It is sadaqa to smile at another.

Each new day our limbs perform sadaqa (ie prayer, giving etc).

Allah (swt) says; "You cannot attain to righteousness unless you spend (in charity) out of what you love." (3:92)

And; Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) related that Allah's messenger (PBUH) said: "No money ever decreases because of charity; when a servant of Allah forgives, Allah increases him in dignity; and whenever a person humbles himself to Allah, Allah will elevate his status." Bukhari & Muslim.

So why are we so stingy? Why can we not give?

It almost seems as though we will become poor by giving! However that is not the case. Look at the beautiful teachings of our deen yet we are so miserly and stingy - traits and characteristics which have openly been condemned and prohibited by our beloved Prophet (pbuh).

The western gurus give, give and give and yes they receive, receive and receive. God does not withhold from His creation. He is the One to give.

We are not looking at aqeedah or different belief systems (of different religions) but we are looking at the mindset - the positive mindset and belief system about giving in charity. And most of them make a 6 figure income (how do I know? I study them!).

Do you then stop to wonder why the Ummah is in such turmoil and pain? I'm asking you to for just a moment put aside the 'signs of the hour' (which, yes they are coming true one by one) and look at it from a different perspective. 

On the one hand we have oil rich billionaires building tall buildings almost out of space and then we have those who don't even know where the next meal will come from.

Why? Why has the Ummah fallen so deep? Please don't cry for another great pious leader to appear to take us to victory because they were human beings! They trusted in Allah, believed in Him and did the right thing. We don't worship the creation but the Creator!

You and I - my dear friends - have the capability of being great and leading the Ummah to victory!

YES WE CAN!

Its all about the mindset and its all about giving. And its all about believing and trusting Allah.

Have we lost faith and trust? Naud'billah!

Subhan'Allah! We are that busy that we can't even stop to help our own immediate family and we want to help the Ummah?

Yes, dua is the weapon of a believer - but dua is a pre and post requisite to action.

Action doesn't happen by itself as we know Allah said in the Qur'an that He will change our condition only when we first change it ourselves - when we take the first step to positive change.

So why are we so afraid to lose our wealth? Why have we become so greedy?

The wealth we have is not even ours! Its Allah's amanah - trust - given to us so we can spend on ourselves, our families and all of creation - spend in His way on His creation.

Give and you shall receive!

And if you don't have a lot of wealth to help others then give a smile at least. Give a helping hand. Give a kind word. Each of us can give if we become a little selfless.

Ask Allah (swt) and He shall give - give thanks and He shall give more - life is a test and preparing for our eternal bliss - supplicate to Him - see things for what they are and don't make them bigger (don't make a mountain out of a mole hill) watch your thoughts, words, feelings and actions. Its all a cycle - don't fall into the negative trap that you can't do or give because you are fooling no one except yourself. Instead create a positive cycle. Just the way a smile is contagious so is this positive cycle. 

Each of us right NOW has the ability to 'Give' and then to 'Receive'.

We have all the resources we need to begin right now insha'Allah.

Giving is so good for the soul that you can instantly feel the peace within and without.

And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: "If you give thanks, I will give you more (of My Blessings) {14:7}

Let's become true and worthy servants of Allah who give in His way and when we receive we give thanks. 

Tips and Action Points:

1. Scan your life - what can you do without? What is useless? Get rid of completely (if it is completely useless) or give in charity (if usable).

2. Give £1 or $1 or €1 or whatever your currency in your country to charity once every month (that's the least we can do, co'mon!)

3. Get together with friends and family and think of creative ways to help the Ummah and humanity and animals.

4. Don't remember or note down what you gave but always remember what you receive and then give thanks for it!

5. Share this message with your loved ones and make today's mantra; 'Give and You shall Receive!' Insha'Allah! :)

Its always nice to make a fresh start in life or to create New Beginnings...

Did you read last weeks post? It was about 'Victim Mentality and Self-Sabotage'. It was DEEP! I hope you had a chance to read it and had some breakthroughs as this weeks post will only be effective if you practiced the tips in last weeks post. If you haven't already then STOP and go read {http://www.webeinspired.com/1/post/2012/11/im-a-victim-get-me-out-of-here.html} and then give yourself up to 72 hours then come back to THIS post. But, if you're done with the whole victim mentality saga then read on insha'Allah :)

There's so much energy in new beginnings, don't you think?

I mean they usually occur at the start of the New Year - we make resolutions - many quit - many soldier on - and many re-resolute six months on.

New beginnings and fresh starts are also powerful when ALL our friends get involved. So if you want to lose weight, for instance, and your friends are not on this new resolution thing then eventually it can become discouraging and you may quit! Because it really does take A LOT to stay motivated and keep at it.

Many contemporary scholars have also said that the best time to set new goals is the last ten nights of Ramadan.

Sooo did YOU set any/new goals this Ramadan? Have you succeeded in them? Need to re-resolute? Waiting for 1st January 2013??

Why wait? How about 1st Muharram 1434 AH?

Its the Islamic New Year. I hope and pray that its a blessed, productive, successful and prosperous year ahead for you insha'Allah, ameen!

Don't panic now! The Queen of Inspiration and Motivation is right here for YOU and together we'll make this the best year ever insha'Allah!

Excited? Yay, me too! Read on :D

Umar ibn al-Khattab (radiyallahu 'anhu) said; "Bring yourself to account before you are taken to account (on the Day of Judgement)," and, "Weigh your deeds before your deeds are weighed." 

And...

Hasan al-Basri (rahimahullaah) said, "You will never meet a believer except that he brings himself to account."

These will be our starting points today insha'Allah (make a note of them).

As Muslims we know that there is a life to come and to get the best spot in the next world - or the golden ticket - we need to work hard in this world - a world full of trials, tests, tribulations and lots of other things.

At each point we need to take account of our actions and our intentions as; 'Actions come from Intentions.' (Bukhari and Muslim)

Just today I got an email by one of the western personal development gurus and in it she said that she does not use the term 'goals' for 'goals' but 'intentions' because sometimes if you have a lot of 'goals' it can become very daunting.

Now if we as Muslims look at this it does make sense because a goal really is an intention which turns into an action and we know that at each point we need to turn to Allah and ask Him to purify our intentions so our actions are purified.

So, here's our Action/Intention plan today - Bismillah:

1. Let's purify our intentions and actions continuously as every thing we do is for the sake of Allah alone and to Him is our return. 

2. Continuous dua - every single day; 'Ya Allah please purify my intentions and actions'.

3. Prayers come first! So plan your day around your prayers and not your prayers around your day. Those who succeed are those who work hard for their prayers. Also, daily Qur'an, daily adhkaars, daily dhikr. These are essential! Do not miss them!

4. Get a diary! Ok, if you don't like diaries get an organiser or notebook. Yes, do use all the technology available to you but there's power in actually using pen and paper. All our pious predecessors used pen and paper and we know how blessed they were. So time to go traditional again - pen and paper.

5. I schedule my diary at the beginning of the month. Some schedule it at the beginning of each week whilst others at the end of each night. So, what works for you, works for you.

6. Procrastinate? Instead of writing; 'To-Do' list write; 'Do-List' because 'to-do' suggests you will at some point/day soon will do it whereas 'do-list' shows a sense of urgency and a need to act NOW.

7. Have goals/intentions for deen and duniya. What does that mean? Well duniya could be your work, studies, businesses, projects and deen is your ibaadah - worship, dawah, studies but both deen and duniya can also be combined ie working on a project in and Islamic organisation.

Have long term goals (as well as short term). Five years from now. Ten years from now. My long term five year goals include excelling in all my businesses (four at the moment) hifz of the entire Qur'an, completing and furthering my Islamic studies to become a scholar, completing an Mphil/PhD in Islamic Human Rights Law, insha'Allah. (Duas please).

What's your long term goals/intentions? Aim for the highest and hope for the best!

8. Each day before you begin renew your intentions and each night for 15 minutes reflect on the day gone. Ask yourself, did I achieve? What could I have done better? What is more urgent? Etc

9. We're ALL suckers for technology! I admit - me too! But, seriously - and I mean seriously when I've had down time from technology, I work the best.

10. Cut the distractions. Consider your time - its precious. This means we all work best at different times. So when you're working on your goals/intentions make sure you're not getting distracted.

11. Read about biographies about our pious predecessors as well as historical figures. There's much to learn from them. I'm always learning something new or studying something new. My friends call me; 'Learning Machine'. It keeps me inspired, motivated and on the edge - to achieve!

12. For each goal set a realistic end date and break it down into smaller steps - like 'a, b, c' or '1, 2, 3' etc. That's the only way it will get done and that's what I do. Trust me. Its the only way.

13. Get motivating buddies. I know I personally struggle in this because I have so much to achieve. So I surround myself with my positive crew and so should you! Especially if you're going to embark on a big goal like studying a new course or memorisation of Qur'an. You NEED study buddies. And did you know that the 5 people you're around the most (minus) family shape up your world? Only the best in your world, ok?

14. Don't settle for less. Be the best. Ihsaan in everything we do. Why reach for the stars when YOU can have Jannah al-Firdaus?! Ready to aim high? Go for it insha'Allah and put 150% into everything! :)

15. Develop 'Laser-Focus'. I was once told by a fellow legal eagle colleague to develop laser focus like horses on a race track. They have blinkers on their heads and they can't see what's happening here or there except the finish line ahead. Well I'm not a horse (I am a horse lover though) but I've developed laser focus and when I'm focused I'm zoned out - I'm gone - you can't find me - but I get it all done hamdulilah! :D

16. Look after your health. Eat healthy and properly and get enough sleep that your body requires (note to self firstly!). Lots of water! I love water. Less 7-Up! (Ok, that was for me, sorry!) As they say in Urdu; 'Jaan hai tu jahaan hai' - 'If you have health you have the world' (Well that was my translation - roughly).

Spend time with loved ones. Elderly. Children. Animals. Get involved in charity work. Volunteer. It will make you an all rounded person - holistic. That's what Islam is all about.

17. Exercise - both physical and mental. I'm swimming again and started re-training martial arts (Kung Fu and Kick Boxing). Try something new - new sport?

Also, Read. Read a lot. What was the first word of the Qur'an? Read. Reading is powerful. Exercise the mind. Its a muscle and needs exercising. Read and learn. There's oceans of knowledge out there. Its like treasure waiting to be discovered. Go discover it!

18. Be Creative! Ok, well, I'm default right brain creative so I'm going to stress this big time. BE CREATIVE! Its fun! It keeps you inspired, motivated, curious, interested. I'm knitting little heart cushions, drawing cartoons, day dreaming. Its fun. Try it! :)

19. Here's where YOU add your motivation and inspiration. What do YOU do and why not inspire and motivate our WBI family? Let's help each other insha'Allah.

The key here to remember is what works for you, works only for you. The above is a guideline. You may have tried it and it may not have worked. You may have a better list that works perfectly for you. That's fine. I hope the above was a good motivator for you to keep going insha'Allah :)

Each moment could be our last but let's work so we don't waste a moment in attaining Jannah in the next insha'Allah.

Comment below or email me on webeinspired@selfaware.com with your feedback and stay blessed! :)

The topic we are going to look at today is about 'Self-sabotage' and 'Victim mentality'.

Today's topic is pretty deep - in more ways than one. So before we begin I request you to read this only if you are ready to move on from all negativity in your life, if you're looking for some solutions and answers and if you want to start making positive changes in your world.

If you're feeling very low and emotional then this topic may really hit home and may upset you or may even make you angry.

However that is NOT my intention. It is not a personal attack on anyone as I don't know your situation personally. My intention is to help you as I helped myself many years ago.

This topic could also create some breakthrough moments for you and could leave you slightly overwhelmed and in a state of; 'What Now?!'

I do highly recommend you read this as it will help you so after reading this if you need to talk one to one then please email me: webeinspired@selfaware.com as I'm also an 'Energy & Emotional Healing and EFT/EMT' therapist. 

So, don't feel you're alone, ok? :)

Everyone has a story to tell because everyone is on a journey. We are all travelers in this world and our ultimate destination is the next world - insha'Allah the gardens of Paradise, with our Creator - our Lord.

But on this journey many a thing can happen. It usually all starts at a young age - in our childhood. But maybe it started later in life. 

You were a happy-go-lucky person and something happened and you retreated - back into your shell. 

It could be a physical shell or psychological shell. But you chose to close off from everyone.

A bit like smiling and joking when in public but crying and depressed when alone.

Something keeps eating you up inside and you let that something dictate your actions - your life as you live it day in day out.

There's so much you want to achieve but you stop yourself every time you take a step forward. Or when working in groups you are loud and fierce and everyone is scared by your actions but when you're alone your like a soft cuddly teddy - harmless and kind.

So ask yourself, 'Why am I one way with people and why am I different when alone?'

Take a moment to truly reflect on this and write down your thoughts.

Are you the loudest, proudest and over the top when with people and quiet, timid, reflective and reserved when alone? (Or opposite in opposite situations).

If so, its your way of breaking free from those psychological shackles. You're trying to make a point. You want someone to hear your voice - your story. You just want to be understood.

Deep inside - rooted deep within there are unresolved issue.

Do you tell yourself; 'Well such and such happened to me which wasn't my fault so now I can't do this and that because I won't succeed, will fail, will lose...' And so on?

Do you know what you're doing to yourself? Are you aware of how you're treating yourself?

Its called; 'Self-sabotage' and 'Victim Mentality'

Its when you always consider yourself a victim because something(s) happened in your life because of others actions and now you always think that you will get hurt again and keep telling yourself you're a bad person, not good enough and then you see the exact same cycle in life repeating it self over and over again and then you keep feeding yourself with the same negative thoughts - sabotaging yourself. 

I know how that feels. Because I went through exactly just that for 30 years! And it wasn't until I fell really ill two years ago on my 30th birthday that things finally started to make some sense. It was then that I saw my life flash before me and it was then when I understood. It was time for change. It was time to take responsibility. It was time to move forward with my life.

What is Self-sabotage and Victim mentality?

Its when passive beliefs and behaviour can be detrimental to the soul - to our life - daily.

Its things in the past which are still eating us up today.

I still achieved all that I wanted to. I still studied, got the degrees, had the job I wanted, the friends, the family, the businesses. The daily ibaadah - salaah, Qur'an, dhikr, talking to Allah, studying about the deen and then teaching it in my weekend kids club.

But something was still deep rooted inside.

I had to deal with past issues to move on - to take full responsibility.

We HAVE to take full responsibility because the past is the past - its gone - it won't return. And if you feel that the same thing keeps happening to you over and over again then it because you haven't dealt with those issues. Its God's way of saying; 'When you've learnt the lesson you will be ready to move on!' And that's what happened to me!

"Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls)." [Quran 13:11]

That little voice in your head telling you you're not good enough will continue to tell you exactly just that until you take hold of it, shake it and say; 'Enough already!'

Its time to claim back YOUR life!

Negative beliefs need to be cut from the roots. Sometimes it takes time because maybe you don't realise when it all began or it could be lots of things.

But you need to become more comfortable and confident in your soul and start taking care of your soul.

We all take care of our bodies because imagine if we didn't shower or put on clean clothes? I don't think anyone would want to be around us. Yet we continuously neglect our soul. Not only do we need to nourish it with ibaadah but we also need to get rid off the harmful toxins that's slowly destroying it.

Just as narcotics and substances destroy the body, the intellect and eventually the soul - so do negative thoughts, words, statements and beliefs. 

Yes, they comfort us and are there for us. But they are bad friends only there to destroy us.

We need to stop being the victim or feeling like a victim and we need to get out of that negative hole fast - right NOW! (Else it'll continue to take us deeper and deeper down!)

Why? Because only then can we truly start to heal and move forward.

Yes, its difficult - I hear you. But one step at a time. One issue at a time. You owe it to your soul. We will be answerable to God on the Last Day. What will we say then?

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Take benefit of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free-time before your preoccupation, and your life before your death." (Hakim)

Victim mentality and self-sabotage is not only detrimental to our own souls but all those who are around us - our family, friends, pets...

Who wants to be around a grumpy, sad, depressed person?

Not me! Not You! Non of us!

Yet we're around our own grumpy, depressed selves!

You know half the time when we talk to ourselves we are just sooo cruel and heartless!!!

Imagine talking like that to your best friend or family? :-O

Exactly! We wouldn't have a best friend or family left!

You don't want to be stuck in this rut - I know - and I know you can be happier and more content. You will, insha'Allah.

Ready to break free from these shackles? Alhamdulilah. 

Check out the following tips.

Tips and Action Points:

1. Ibaadah - worship: Do NOT give up on your prayers, Qur'an, duas. They are soul therapy and a weapon of the believer. Never be unarmed. Always protect yourself with your armour. Our ibaadah is our armour!

2. Whose your crew? Did you know the five people we hang around the most (minus family) are the ones who help shape our lives. So whose in your crew? Happy dudes or nay-sayers?

3. Learn to forgive. If someone has hurt you - forgive them. Its VERY hard - I know - takes time. But you're doing it for yourself. By forgiving you are not saying that you condone their actions but you're releasing them from your thoughts. Let them go!

4. If you've been hurt physically or emotionally (domestic violence, abuse - sexual/physical) there is help available. By seeking help you are taking responsibility for yourself and saying you will heal and move forward. You are not weak but very strong and I'm proud of YOU!

5. Fill your soul will goodness - ibaadah, reading, friends, hobbies. Live the life you want to. The only one standing in your way is you. Get out of your own way and just go do it.

I pray that this post has helped you in some way. I know its very deep and you may need to read it a few times. But know that you're not alone. I've also been there and it was very tough. That's why I launched; 'We Be Inspired'.

If you need to talk email me webeinspired@selfaware.com

Know that you're special and unique. Love yourself. Because God loves YOU! :)