...Today I was going to give up and quit it all - all of it! I cried - a lot. Sometimes it gets really overwhelming and just too much for one soul. I made a dua in the early hours and asked Allah to show me the way. I've never been more serious about quitting than today.
Today is also the Day of Arafah. Millions of people are right now on the plains of Arafah begging for Allah's mercy and forgiveness. A day when many are guaranteed salvation from the Hell-Fire and those who return from Hajj return as a new born - sinless - a Hajj Mabroor.
I remember it clearly - like it was just today.
It was 5th March 2001 - I was on the plains of Arafah with my parents and millions of other Hujjaj.
A childhood dream come true and one of the youngest from my clan to do my Hajj. I was just 20 years old (actually, two weeks after I returned I was to turn 21 and I was in my final semester of my final year of my law degree at University).
So many dreams in the eyes of a young 20 year old.
I'm childhood ambitious.
I have grand dreams.
Not just for myself though - i'm not that selfish.
I have grand dreams for our Ummah and for the entire humanity.
I have grand dreams which involve YOU - yes YOU reading this now.
I want to see YOU succeed in all areas of your life - in this world and the next.
I walk the talk and expect 150% ExCel Mode from myself.
That is what I operate at.
You might say i'm too harsh on myself - or that I expect too much of myself.
You're right - I do!
I only have one life here - just one chance to work for that one vision Jannah al-Firdaus.
It all starts here though - right here - in my front room, by the fire.
It all starts in this world.
How else will you and I achieve our ultimate vision of Jannah al-Firdaus if we don't work it here.
Jannah has to be won - it won't be given to us on a plate.
On a day like Arafah when gazillions are begging for Allah's mercy and forgiveness - here I was ready to quit - today 2013.
I'm extremely sensitive.
Only my very close souls know this.
Everyone else see's the confident me.
But my close one's know how deep I am and how sensitive I am and how I take things to heart.
I don't cry in front of anyone - not my family, not my friends.
Just with Allah - and Mano (my cat).
I'm not overly emotional - like I don't burst out crying if you don't like me.
I may have my shy and sensitive girly side - but i'm very much tom-boyish also.
I have zero-tolerance on women and men who just cry over tiny things!
I'm the; 'Yes we can! Let's do it now' type.
So, for me to even be sharing a piece of my heart with the entire universe is deep.
This is the vulnerable me - one which you might not see again - or might see on a very rare occasion - like today.
I'm willing to give you a glimpse into my heart and soul - and be vulnerable like this whilst I have tears in my eyes.
I share with you as you may be going through your own journey, trying to find who you are and what you want to be or supposed to be doing.
You may feel lost and confused.
You're trying and trying and yet nothing is working.
No one is supporting you - like you thought they would!
Just like me you may be ready to give up.
I went to sleep crying with my dua of guidance.
And then I woke up to a message from a sister who made dua for me and said;
"...jazakAllahu khair for your posts they really are inspiring and I just wanted to say never give up what your doing mashaAllah. May Allah grant you a long and productive life sis and remove all your sins ameen. Don't let others negativity affect you. I know its hard but you touch more hearts than u know inshaAllah. Allah chose u for this - I don't see anyone else doing what u do and that is your calling so keep close to Allah and don't get knocked backed wen the road is so tough. Ur work is inspiring and an encouragement to others".
I think I'm gona cry again!
This one message has taught me so much instantaneously and touched my core.
And the weird part is that this sister had no idea what i was feeling.
She is someone i met a year ago and we have the usual facebook and whatsapp contact.
This was deep.
Read her message again - it's from me to you now.
I'm ready to redirect my intention and focus.
I'm here til Allah decides my time is up.
For now - i'm staying :)
Nadia Leona Yunis