...Whose the fairest of them all? Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs! What a fairy tale, eh?! I grew up on all these Disney fairy tales and all things Disney. I had the entire book collection and I guess Snow White was my favourite (as was Cinderella and Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty and you know the rest...). But today's post is not about my childhood Disney love it's about...YOU. I want to ask you a question. Do YOU love yourself? You do? Ok cool, excellent. So why do you love yourself? And if you just said no then why don't you love yourself? If you said something like, 'I love myself because I'm beautiful and everyone tells me I'm beautiful' - then I'm sorry to say so dear, that's not quite the answer I was looking for. (And there's nothing wrong with you being beautiful or someone telling you that you are beautiful - that's cool!) If you said something like, 'I don't love myself because I'm _________ (insert self sabotaging words) and everyone says I'm ugly' then dearest you too, that's not what I wanted to hear. See, the reason why I ask you this question is because I want to know what's your perception or definition of love for yourself or self-love. So if someone tells you that you're beautiful is that the only reason to love yourself? And if someone says you're ugly or YOU look in the mirror and 'see' ugly because of x, y, z feature which is not what you want then is that really a reason not to love yourself? What do YOU see when you look in the mirror? And why are you waiting for someone else's validation of you? Did your fellow being create you? *Just checking!* Ok, so I know, I know - don't scream at me or the screen - its nice when someone acknowledges us and tells us we are beautiful because it really lifts us up - high in the sky. But this high is not a forever high! "To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself." Thich Nhat Take the story of the queen in Snow White. When she asked the mirror who the fairest one was the jeany beany in the mirror was forced to say 'You Oh Queen' (or something like that - I haven't watched or read Snow White in decades) and then the queen was happy. She had to be validated by someone (or something) to accept herself. But as soon as Snow White stepped up onto the scene it was a whole different ball game! We spend too much of our valuable time looking for validation from others. Yes both females and males! Yet we don't really accept ourselves. Its only when we finally accept ourselves with all our flaws and warts and whatever is when we finally become liberated or free. "You say that you are just a body, but inside of you is something greater than the Universe." Imam Shafi (rahimullah) I know I've quoted this quote many times in the posts before but honestly it really touches me to the core...deeply. And you know I'm all about 'Soulful Therapy'. We spend all that time caring and looking after our external selves that we forget our internalness. The queen in Snow White may have been 'beautiful' on the outside but on the inside she was EVIL, NASTY and MEAN! (She was nasty...!) Allah (swt) does not look towards our bodies, nor towards our appearances but towards our heart. (Hadith Muslim) The thing is that - even though Allah (swt) created our bodies and our beauty - our external - what He (swt) is looking at is our internal state - our heart - and then our deeds. I say heart first because we know (Islam teaches us) that actions come from intentions. And so where are our intentions formed? Yes, exactly - internal - the heart! We can pretend as much as we want and fool as many as we want to but God knows our internal state - He (swt) knows the state of our hearts. Let's fix up now insha'Allah. On the other hand we have the issue where we want others to love us yet we fail to love ourselves! Why? Its not arrogance to love oneself but its about accepting YOU as you ARE! Stop hurting your own self and not loving yourself. You have to love yourself first to love others. Its the only way! Otherwise you'll spend a life of sadness, misery and always looking for validation. The next person who is always validating you has their own issues to deal with. Enough is enough! Time to love ourselves again. Starting right NOW! Give yourself permission - it is ok and safe to do so - and bismillah. Tips and Action Points: 1. Take a deep breath in, hold and on the exhale release all negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself (or what others have said about you). ---> Do this three times until you're in a relaxed state. ---> Feel that burden being lifted off from you and feel all the negativity fall away like leaves fall from the trees on a windy day. 2. Write down all the negative words which are hurtful and others have said and then trash it in the bin! ---> Take another three deep breaths and this time inhale and exhale both happy and positive words that YOU would use to describe YOU. ---> Write down a positive and true statement about yourself. ---> And YES there is a positive statement about you! ---> Remember before you began this task you gave yourself permission? ---> Write something like; 'I give myself permission to love myself and truly be me as God Almighty has created me in the best form to worship Him firstly and then achieve both greatness and goodness and I love myself alhamdulilah'. 3. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall... ---> Go to your favourite mirror in the house (yes the one that you have your imaginary conversations with about everything!). ---> Take your positive written. statement about yourself with you. ---> Before you look into the mirror say 'bismillah' and read the dua for looking into the mirror. اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي Allahumma anta hasanta khalqi fahassin khuluqi "O Allah, just as you have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well." (Kul: 'Ameen!') ---> Then look into your eyes - hold your gaze and accept yourself! Read your positive statement three times whilst holding your gaze. ---> Do this exercise once every day for the next seven days and see what happens insha'Allah. Once you get the confidence you can add to your statement or even look at your features and each time give thanks to Allah for creating you in the best form. Next time you can hold your gaze and give thanks for all the skills and abilities Allah has blessed you with. And the time after that you can be thankful for all that He (swt) has allowed you to be, do and have. The purpose is to become confident within and to accept who you are. There is something special and unique about YOU that God has created in YOU. Let me know how this exercise goes for you insha'Allah. Leave me comment and please share this post with everyone. I know this will help at least one soul you share it with. This exercise may be well out of your comfort zone or a little scary at first - I hear you - but if you don't try, you won't know. And remember, if you don't love yourself, then don't expect someone else to! Love YOU first! :)
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So in the last post we talked extensively about the heart and I guess its only fair we talk about the mind, right? :) The thing is that there is the brain and then there is the mind and since I'm not from the medical background and neither am I'm from the scholarly background nor a philosopher (although I study the Islamic Sciences and practise Alternative Medicine and have recently studied 'Introduction to Philosophy') I'm going to do what a lawyer does best (yes I'm a Legal Eagle - well a Paralegal to be precise) present facts from extensive research and study! Lol The Prophet (pbuh) said; "Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth, before you become old; and your health, before you fall sick; and your richness, before you become poor; and your free time before you become busy; and your life, before your death." [al-Hakim] In this hadith the Prophet (pbuh) points out that we need to take care of our health before we fall sick. And we know that its when we fall sick - or extensively sick - that we start to appreciate life. As part of our health care we need to look after our brain AND mind. You know the big thing on top of our head - yup, that's the brain! So here's a quick biology lesson. The brain is the centre of the nervous system and its function is to exert centralised control over the other organs of the body. If we wanted to stick our tongue out to someone (which we shouldn't do!) what happens? Well yes you're right - the other person is not too happy and we'll be in trouble - but there's also another answer! Our body sends signals to our brain, which then sends signals back to our body telling it what to do. And this all happens in just a split second. Wow! Our brain is a very complicated organ (and they say females are complicated!). There are many parts of the brain that contribute to its functions. There are the two main cells called the glial cells, or nerve cell circuits, which help control the chemical balance of the brain (hormones). They also provide structural support for the neurons, which help the nervous system after injury, and supply chemicals that are needed for a healthy brain. The neurons are also known as the communicators and carry information and are both electrical and chemical. There are three parts to the brain. The Cerebrum - which is divided into two hemispheres - the Left Brain and the Right Brain and then each hemisphere divided into four sections - wow!). The left brain is all logical and numbery and the right brain is all creative (that's me!). The Cerebellum which is the part of the brain where the high level functions take place (*High Level*). The cerebellum controls our posture, balance, and co-ordination. It is divided into two different lobes which are connected by white fibres. The Brain Stem - which is located directly below the cerebellum - connects to the spinal cord. This is also the part of the brain where the vital functions occur. The lowest part of the brain is located in the brain stem. Within the brain are the important memory functions. There are different types of memory that remember certain things by the way they look, smell, feel, etc... *Phew!* Fascinating stuff! So what has this all gotta do with our health you ask? Well, (thank you for asking) we can see that the brain does some pretty darn cool and complicated stuff. It connects the rest of the body and organs and is a communicator between nerves. If for whatever reason something has gone wrong then the nerves won't be able to communicate and we won't be able to function correctly. I mean just image not been able to lift your finger to type an SMS message? That's like TORTURE, right? Do WE think about THAT? Nah ah! We being we - we just go along our daily life not worrying about this UNTIL something happens. Who controls the affairs of the heaven and the earth? Who knows how our system is functioning and making sure it remains functioning? Exactly! ALLAH! So which of our Lords favour can WE deny? *Reflection Moment* Right now just STOP reading and say 'Alhamdulilah wa Shukr Allah' and then come back... Ok, so how do we take care of our brain? I'll get to that in today's 'Tips and Action Points' but let's move on to our mind. Ooooooooh... Sooooo, what is the MIND? Wikipedia states that (sorry I was too lazy to grab the physical dictionary); 'A mind is the complex of cognitive faculties that enables consciousness, thinking, reasoning, perception, and judgement - a characteristic of human beings, but which also may apply to other life forms.' *DEEP!* So THIS is where the thinking process happens - hmmm! There is the conscious mind and the sub-conscious. The conscious mind is when you are in the NOW, in the MOMENT, when you are PRESENT. The sub-conscious is the one working over time in the background and has been there since our childhood. Here in the sub-conscious are our earliest belief systems and all those thoughts we hold which help us or hinder us in the NOW. Think 'I'm not good enough to launch a business because when I was little I was told women don't run businesses!' Or think' 'I'm afraid of spiders because when I was small I was told if I didn't sleep the spider would bite me!' Got the picture? Ahaan! That's your subconscious - always working over time - always the silent naysayer or silent cheerleader. What's yours like? Consciousness - being aware - is also linked to 'God-Consciousness' or as you may have heard 'Taqwa'. This is sooo cool because having taqwa means always being mindful and aware that Allah is watching and hearing ALL that we say and do so it keeps us in check - always. We need to be in THIS state - always. Ok, we need to try very hard to be in this state - I know its difficult - I hear you! The subconscious can sometimes sabotage us to such a state that we are always confused, not knowing what to do and what action to take. Yes we listen to our gut instincts (or we should) or listen to our heart but its the naysaysers from the subconscious that either hinder us or our cheerleader who cheer us on! That little voice inside of our head really needs to take a chill pill and let us get on with it. But before you say; 'I'm going outa my mind - it won't stop talking gobledeglook - help me!!!' - help is at hand - literally - keep reading to find out in today's tips and actions how we can take care of our brain AND mind!. Tips and Action Points: 1. The Brain: So what can you do to look after your brain? Many things insha'Allah. We need to protect our brain because any head injury - however small - can have fatal consequences. So if you do have a head injury then get to A&E quick and fast. You've seen how many neurons and chemicals are working up there and how it's connecting to the rest of the organs. So please watch how you go about your daily activities, ok? :) What else? Well the brain is a muscle and it needs daily exercise. Imagine if you stayed in bed all day and all night or sat in one place like forever - what would happen to your bones and muscles? Exactly! The brain is a muscle which needs daily exercise. Give it the right nutrients, the right food, challenge your brain - to read something new, to use your less dominant hand to brush your teeth. Also read and read a lot - varied stuff - not just your favourite novels. Mix with people - not to an extent where we start gossiping or backbitting - but be social and meet new people. Reduce your stress by doing fun activities - especially those you enjoyed as a child - yes even colouring! If you're feeling depressed then ask yourself what is making you feel like this? What has changed? Is the weather? Is it a break-up? Once you know then you'll be able to move forward and heal. But you have to figure out what and why it is first insha'Allah. Give your body an exercise so your brain has some new activity to play with and it stays vitalised and energised. Eat foods which increase and boost brain power - especially all the natural foods, fruits and nuts. 2. The Mind: You are what YOU think you are! So, what do YOU think you are? Think good about yourself. Don't wallow in sorrows of past sins - that's not being humble that's called self sabotage! Our deen Islam has taught us to seek forgiveness. So seek forgiveness - istigfaar and tauba - repentance - ask sincerely of Allah and He will forgive! Don't allow your kareen to waswasa you into doom and gloom - that's his job! You have to rise above it! And before you say that 'Our RasoolAllah used to ask forgiveness more than 70 times a day and his past and future sins were forgiven and so who am I to think I'm better etc'. Well, who asked you to? Not me! Yes there is an authentic hadith and yes he did seek forgiveness more than 70 times a day - so what's stopping YOU? Make it your daily routine - daily tasbee. But isn't there also an authentic hadith about a man praying all night and fasting all day and his wife complaining to RasoolAllah and then RasoolAllah saying that he is also a human, he sleeps and rests as well as prays and fasts and breaks fast and gives time to his family and society? Yes, exactly. Want to follow the Sunnah correctly - YOU CAN! What else? Recognise the little voice in your head. Is it your cheerleader or naysayer? Feed the one which will benefit. Our mind is like a computer - it only knows instructions. If you ask it; 'Why am I unsuccessful?' Then it will go look for all the answers to why you are unsuccessful. If you ask it; 'Why am I successful?' Then it will go and get you all the facts to tell you exactly why. So ask the right questions! Focus on what you want and not on what you don't want. We seem to all do this too often! Also - our subconscious or belief systems can be changed. Yes our mind can be rewired. And it all starts with YOU. Start talking to yourself like a best friend. Treat yourself good. Say positive statements and affirmation. YOU are in control of YOUR mind and insha'Allah as soon as YOU take control of and give permission to yourself to take control of it you'll see some positive changes! :) The key is to keep at it and stay consistent. Yes you will have a day where it will feel that everything has come crushing down. No worries. Pick yourself up. Think about it - you've just spent your entire life talking your mind into negative talk - it is going to take a little time to get back on the positive road and stay there. But YOU CAN DO IT! Yes you can! Start today - start right NOW! {I know this post has been way too long than intended - I guess there were two really important topics to cover. I hope you benefited from it as much as I enjoyed writing it and all praise is to Allah! :) } Ever had a heart and mind conflict? ...'But my Heart says one thing and my Mind says another!' That's what we always end up saying when we're trying to make a decision or thinking about some next steps in our life. We fail to see the heart and mind as two separate organs doing different things and functioning in different ways. Yes ultimately they are linked - the entire system is linked and that is why we are functioning properly. But there are some fundamental differences between the two. I know you Scientists are going to love this because I'm the Legal Eagle and I'm disregarding probably everything you've learnt at Med/Science School. Sorry folks! But y'all know I see things differently lol! ...The mind does what you tell it or ask it. It's like a computer. If you ask your mind; 'Why am I unsuccessful' then it will go and look for all the proof and answers to back up your question and tell you why you're unsuccessful. But if you ask; 'Why am I successful or how can I be more successful?' Then it will go and look for all the proofs to answer your question. Yes the mind is an organ which needs exercise. So please read, read a lot - daily - give it a mental training and sharpen it. It does come in handy with those questions and we do need it so look after your mind and feed it with nutrients - not junk! (I'm not disregarding it - I love the mind because its all about the subconscious, conscious, thoughts, belief systems etc!). But today we're talking just about the heart - its a complete different ball game. See the heart 'KNOWS!' It knows the answer deep within and it knows that we know! Yet we fail to listen to it. Why? Because we are human. Because we are afraid. Because we have fears. Because we don't want to fall or fail. The list goes on. But what we don't realise is that we do more damage than good when we don't listen to it. We say our heart says one thing and our mind another so we should listen to the mind as the heart comes from an emotional place so it will always make us soft and squiggly and we will end up making wrong decisions. Have you ever made a decision from your heart? How did it feel? What were the emotions? What if we trained our heart with goodness, nourished it with goodness and worked on purifying it? Would we still listen to it or ignore it? Would we put full trust in Allah that He (swt) will pour goodness into our heart and guide us to goodness or are we going to give into our fears (which come from belief systems - the mind)? We are spiritual beings on a human journey. The heart is part of our spiritualness. Not the physical heart - but the spiritual heart. If we all went for heart examinations and cut open our chest the heart will not show the deep evilness on the surface. That's because that is part of our spiritualness. Just the way we can't see our soul - we can't see the spiritual heart. How does the heart become evil? Well, we are responsible for that. We feed it with constant jealousy, envy, anger, backbitting, slander and the list goes on. Allah (swt) says; 'Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn" (83:14). So what does this mean? The Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “When the believer commits sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents and gives up that sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished. But if (the sin) increases, (the black spot) increases. That is the raan which Allah mentions in His Book: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ .” Al-Tirmithi The purifying of the heart is a constant and daily journey. I guess you can say it's a bit like eating food daily and drinking water daily. We need this nourishment for our body to function properly. We need to feed our heart daily and cleanse it daily. Some of the basic stuff that we can do - because again this is such a deep topic that its for the scholars to delve into - pray our Salaah daily on time, read Qur'an, listen to tilawah, study the tafsir of the Qur'an - constantly remember Allah - which is also dhikr-Allah. Yes I know its a struggle. I do struggle too and sometimes I think why?! - Especially when everything was going ok - but its because we are human and this life is a test - we have to go through these daily tests. The Prophet (pbuh) said; "In the body there is a morsel of flesh and when it is sound the whole body is sound and when it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt. Verily it is the heart." Bukhari and Muslim So we need to rid it off the jealousy and envy - these two are constant bad companions. They are like best friends! We get jealous and envious of others lives and achievements - even if someone gets married and they are happy, people will have something to say about it! We need to stop corrupting our heart and if we continue then our heart will become black - full of raan and it will become dead - dead to emotions - dead to feelings - you know, cold heartedness? (yup, we've heard that before!). So what now? Here's today's Tips and Action Points: 1. Make a conscious decision and hand your heart over to Allah. Ask Allah (swt) to guide it always and to help you in everything. 2. Start listening to it - listen to your gut - you know 'gut feeling?'. Trust me, you'll have this fluttery feeling in your heart and you'll know. 3. Make a plan to start purifying your heart. Yes this is going to be difficult but we're all in this together and we can do it - with Allah's help we can! If we have a constant feeling/emotion/trait like jealousy - then firstly we need to find out why we have it, recognise it, see the shortcoming on our part and then fix it! When you start making these small but constant changes you'll notice the inner peace within you and you'll notice how you consult your heart more and you'll notice how you're consciously asking Allah to guide you to the answer. Try it! If we fix our relationship with Allah then we won't fear listening to the heart. Maybe we know the answer and we actually understand what the heart is saying but we don't want to listen to it (like don't go to that specific place as there is haraam there but we rebel and do it anyway!). As I always say to all my loved ones; 'Listen to YOUR heart. Hand it over to Allah and ask Him to help you and guide you - because He'll put the answer in your heart!' We need to remember that what will help us on the Day of Judgement is not our worldly successes but a sound heart. As the Prophet (pbuh) said; "Allah does not look towards your bodies nor toward your appearances but looks towards your heart." Muslim Its time for us to fix up our hearts insha'Allah. And listen to your heart - because it KNOWS! :) |
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