Love, love and love! It seems everyone is into love. Wants to be loved. Is in love. Is complete and fulfilled by love. Is broken by love. Is confused by love. And wants to be loved again. Me too! I’m all about love! Ok, well it’s not 14th February (Valentino’s Day – as I like to call it) and maybe I should save this post for then (I’ll repost it then!) but I really want to get into this topic today as it’s not just a Valentino’s day thing but an everyday thing. And in fact love is not actually or just about Valentino’s day – that’s just some crazy commercialised holiday – as are so many other holidays. Today I’m not here to talk about love as in spoucy type or when you get married etc, but I’m going to talk about everyday love, eternal love, internal love and that love that is simmering within us 24/7. This love is beyond marriage or children. It is much, much more. It’s basic stuff really. And in fact, it is practiced by each of us daily – albeit unconsciously at times. And you know what – this love is pure. It’s like the baby love – you know when a baby just wants to be loved by its parent and isn’t aware of anything other than pure mummy/daddy love. I want to talk to you about this love today – which is deep within us – because this love can actually make us or break us. And it does daily – depending on how we use it. And, no, it’s got nothing to do with the opposite gender at all! Confused? Keep reading. This post is about love in the context of personal and spiritual development of the individual. According to Maslow love and belonging are third on the level of human needs (after physiological and safety needs are fulfilled). Humans need to love and be loved and this need is particularly strong in childhood and any deficiency in it can affect us in our adult life. And any deficiency in adult life can lead to loneliness, anxiety and depression. God created us social being and to be part of a social network. The Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) teaches us many different aspects of our social life – how to interact and deal in different social settings and to create successful social spheres. Here’s the thing. This is all awesome and brilliant – and I totally agree with it. However, our childhood conditioning can lead us to seek love and focus on it more than doing anything else in life. What I mean by this is – and I speak from personal experience and in fact it is something I have to also work on a lot in my life – we always want to seek approval from those who we love when we want to take a step into whatever it is we want to do. This form of approval can be from anyone really. Mostly it is family. However if we have had childhood family issues then we seek it elsewhere. Some reading this may disagree – but in my personal coaching and mentoring capacity and getting to know many people from across the globe I have noticed that we tend to seek approval even if it is from our boss and even if we act all ‘nothing hurts me – business is business!’. Deep down inside we have a craving – we need to fulfill it – we need to belong! We are seeking love and trying to fill the ‘void’ within us. Now when we seek constant approval from those we love and we don’t get it we start to self-sabotage our own dreams and life. We don’t even realize that we do it – it seems so normal. I want you to focus back on you today. I want you to start loving yourself today. I always say love and respect yourself if you want to be loved! Love doesn’t cost a thing! You don’t have to go out there and purchase a magic pill to love yourself. It’s free! And think about it for a moment – the love that you’re craving – whoever you’re craving it from – they are also craving it too! Did you even know that? Like wow! So, I mean, here we are being selfish and wanting to be loved yet how much do we love the one we want to be loved by? Unconditionally? This is no manipulation game! This is no; ‘If you love me and I will love you’ or ‘If you’re there for me I will be there for you’. No! This is the pure love that comes from within. It’s natural. You just love – because you do. No expectations. Read that again. NO EXPECTATAIONS. The reason we are stuck where we are is because we are yearning to be loved and accepted and we want to hear it in words or feel it with love or tangible objects. But that is not necessary at all. Yes, it’s part of it. But not the main part. You know I have a very close relationship with my parents and siblings since childhood. Whenever anyone asked me; ‘Do you love Abu more or Ami more’ I used to get confused and say both. ‘No, you have to choose one’, they used to say. And me? I used to start crying! As I got older things changed. Life changed. Its’ supposed to – it’s natural! And all I ever wanted was to ‘feel’ that love as I felt it as a child. Every time I asked my parents; ‘What shall I study/work/do?’ they always replied with; ‘Do what you want and feel happy with!’. Ok, which kid does not want to hear this and do what they feel, right? But me? I thought they didn’t love me anymore. I thought they were too busy for me. But they weren’t. They were always there for me – but had a different way of expressing it. You know if my parents never said; ‘Do what you want and feel happy with’ then today I wouldn’t be who I am – at all! Honestly! But the crazy part is – I stopped loving myself! I hated ME! My own soul! Like, what?! Yes, I hated me – because I thought the ones I loved didn’t love me! You feel me on this? Ah man! How wrong was I?! And because of this, I didn’t take the steps I needed to in life. I was never confident. Actually, everyone thought I was confident. But I wasn’t! I faked it. There – I confessed! (But, it worked!). It’s like I had to start from square one and love myself again. Love myself enough to believe in me. Love myself enough to love others without attachment. They pure type – for the sake of Allah type. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes (in Allah and in His religion) until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” [Bukhari and Muslim] It doesn’t cost anything to love your sister and brother in Islam or humanity. How could we want bad things to happen to them? We don’t wish bad on ourselves. If we follow this Hadith correctly then there would be no hatred in the world and we wouldn’t need to search for love here and there and we wouldn’t have attachment issues. And in fact the only one we need to be attached to and ask of is our creator – our Allah. “And yet there are some people, who replace Allah with rivals, loving them as Allah is loved. But the believers love Allah more intensely” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:165) When you develop deep love for Allah then you will love everyone unconditionally and you will be good to them and wish good for them without attachments. You won’t need to worry about attachments or fall into them. You will see that your family mean well and your siblings mean well. You will see that those around you mean well. Obviously I’m not talking about someone who has taken your rights off you and has deliberately hurt you physically or emotionally or those oppressive tyrants across the globe. I’m praying that my tribe of followers have more knowledge and wisdom to think I’m condoning all that! But what I am trying to say is that we need to move away from; ‘Oh I was attached again and he/she hurt me again’. That is victim mentality – and no one wants to be there. The only one allowing yourself to fall into that trap is you. You’re scared of being alone, rejected, not wanted. I know! I’ve been exactly there! Understand who YOU are! Understand why YOU feel the need to be loved and then fall into this scenario. Mine was straight up – I was looking for that ‘support’ from my parents and when I didn’t get it (or understand their way of giving it) I looked elsewhere! Wrong move! Now – it’s all good. Now I understand. Now I know that everyone who comes into my life is for a reason. Allah has sent them for a reason. And if they have to go – Allah said so! You don’t become bitter. You don’t hate. You just…be. Love doesn’t cost a thing! You don’t have to be selfish with it. You don’t have to ‘astagferullah’ about it. It is who we are and there’s plenty to go around the world. Allah is the one we need to turn to at each point. He (swt) is the one who helps us, guides us and heals us. Don’t hate any one. Everyone is on their journey. You’re not the only one in this world and the world doesn’t owe you anything. When you realise this you can actually start to heal your wounds. You can close previous chapters. You can forgive and leave them to God and move on. You are much stronger than you’re giving yourself credit. And this is not the time and place to be getting all humble and modest. Think about it – others have moved on and getting on in life – so what about you? Get to know yourself again. Get to know God again. This is deep stuff – I know – it doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s a start right? Once you become aware of this and focus on the purpose why Allah created you and how limited your life truly is then you won’t waste it. Attachments are all about a need which was not fulfilled and most likely from childhood. Seriously. Think about it and dig deep. Where in your life does this issue come up and with whom? I’m not talking about today – trust me – I’ve given you a direct example of my own life. Once you realise this – work on it and understand the context then you’ll be able to move forward. When it happened with me I went through this process also - with Allah. I talked to Him (swt) and asked Him to show me the way. You need to do this for yourself and do it now. If not you’ll always be stuck. You’ll misunderstand love. Love is an emotion deep within. Allah put it there. Don’t fight it! Don’t be bitter against love. That’s wrong. Will you hate everyone and everthing? That’s what we end up doing really! And if it does go down the haraam road then trust me it’s something you need to look into your life. Wait till Allah makes it halaal for you! Why is it that we become so attached to s/he and our parents become our enemies? Where is this coming up in your life? Work on it and heal it. Maybe you’ve never seen it this way before. I hope it truly helps. As even when you’re married your love for Allah will be more – as you know that He is the one who gives and takes and He is our Creator. He (swt) is not here to hurt us. We hurt ourselves. Love yourself again if you want others to love you. Love Allah even more and watch the doors of goodness He (swt) opens up for you. There are numerous verses in the Qur’an about love – and I could just quote them. All things start with us – even going to brush our teeth! If you want to make the most of this one life Allah has given you then now is the time. I invite you to a world of love and happiness – which is already awaiting you now. Action Points: 1. Reflect on your life and your relationships – where can you improve and what needs to be resolved. Get on to it. 2. Learn about Allah and our purpose. Learn about RasoolAllah and his mission. 3. What do you want from your life now and whose approval are you waiting for? Be real – to yourself – and now you know what steps to take insha’Allah. Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought about this article.
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Have you ever kept a secret from someone (parents, siblings, friends, spouse, authority)? How did it make you feel? Are you keeping a secret right now? How does it make you feel? Do you have that uneasy feeling inside? Like a gazilion butterflies in your tummy flapping their wings away, a sudden hot flush and rush in your body? Yeah we've all been there (yes, me too!) And we've all kept a secret or currently keeping one. But why do we torture ourselves like this and spend day in day out like we're guilty of a crime and too scared to get caught? Because we'll have to come clean and do the time? Why can't we live happily without secrets? Keeping secrets can be psychologically damaging for our soul - seriously! There are two types of secret-keeping. The Good and The Detrimental. When does secret-keeping start? Well, it starts at age 4/5 as we want to keep secrets from our parents - its a type of transition for human beings. You know we as humans are always evolving and each age range signifies a specific growth period within us. In adulthood secrets can become a powerhouse where they start controlling you rather than you controlling them! Secrets could be due to shame, guilt and fear - for whatever has or is happening. Again these are psychological that are torturing us from within and become controlling. Your every move could be determined by the secret. Another type of 'secret- keeping' are those secrets that we keep from ourselves. This means not admitting to ourself why we have such feelings or why we do what we do. It becomes a vicious cycle and it leads to pain and hurt as well as ailments and illnesses. In these instances one would need professional help and one should seek it as its one of the ways forward insha'Allah. Secrets could be kept by children - especially in cases of abuse - and if not dealt with in childhood can lead to self-doubt, low self-esteem and hiding behind a mask for many, many years. It could lead to the abused becoming an abuser. Keeping secrets could be kept by women and men suffering from domestic violence and the fear of others knowing. Again that vicious 'fear-shame-guilt' cycle. This secret-keeping can also be detrimental in all your relationships. Your relationship with Allah, with your loved ones, with your colleagues. Your worship is affected. Your work is affected. You're always uneasy and just can't get those negative thoughts out of your head. It can even make you severely depressed and stuck in further soul-hurting habits or make you bitter and competitive with anyone and everyone. I mean good competition is healthy in healthy bite size doses but competition where you always want to prove others wrong and become aggressive can also have deep, long term effects. On the other hand there is a, what I call, 'good secret'. This is a type of 'trust' between two people or a group of people for something 'good'. Abu Sa'id al-Khudri reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The worst of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Rising is a man who goes to his wife or his wife goes to him and then he discloses her secret." [Muslim] From this hadith we can clearly see that if either spouse was to reveal the others secrets then it would destroy their relationship. In this case it is good to keep the others secret - and remember the bond between two of you is sacred. These secrets are an amanah - a trust and we must do our utmost to honour them insha'Allah. As they say if it couldn't stay in your tummy for long and you had to tell someone then that other person will do the same! *Breathe* So we've established that there's different types of secrets and some can be seriously harmful. What do we do about the harmful, detrimental ones and how do we move forward? We have to move forward - we can't stay stuck in this mud forever! Check out today's tips and points. They are meant to be as a 'guidance' and not to be treated as any form of 'legal or medical' advice. In cases where you feel you need professional help then please do so as help is available. Keep reading to find out more... Tips an Action Points: 1. The first thing is to reflect. Are your secrets a 'good' type or the 'detrimental' type? - If good then you know why you kept them - honour them! - If not good and they make you feel scared and threatened then you need to seek professional help insha'Allah. - Try and avoid secret-keeping situations - especially the detrimental ones and if it is safe for you to walk away from them (and you don't feel threatened) then walk away, please! 2. Taqwa - God Consciousness - being aware that God Almighty is watching our every move. If we keep secrets from our ownself then know that He (swt) knows - He (swt) knows what's in the breasts of men. Nothing is hidden from Him! - We have two angels on each of our shoulders recording every word and action. Keep a secret if you will but they are writing away and we will be accountable for them on the Last Day. "And indeed, [appointed] over you are keepers, noble and recording; they know whatever you do" {Al-Infitar; 10-12}. - How do you want to face God on the Last Day? - Are your secrets secretly eating your soul? 3. Get Creative! Depending upon your secret you could always journal about it and then burn it (if it is safe to do so). Or write them on a piece of paper and shred them or throw them away. Its a form of emotional release. - You could forgive the one who hurt your soul. And forgiveness is not to say that you condone their behaviour but a way for you to move forward. Think about it for a moment. They have long moved on and you're still suffering. Why? What purpose does it serve? Do you want to continue like this or finally be happy with you? 4. Its good to talk. If it is any form of abuse (that you're suffering as you read this) then seek professional help. Listen I know its scary but if you stay scared then you're hurting you even more. There's many organisations set up to help you and you can remain anonymous. - If its way past when and its still eating up inside then again seek professional help. There's nothing wrong with speaking to a counsellor. They will help you move forward. Trust me, you owe it to your own soul. 5. Dua - Supplication - to the Creator. He created us and He listens to us. Don't underestimate the power of direct dua to Allah. Talk to Him and He (swt) will help you and show you the light. Things happen in life. This life is a test and God does not burden a soul more than it can handle. There's a lesson to learn from it. The more angry or frustrated you get the more you're hurting yourself. Keep a secret where it is for the good and it is a trust and you know God will be proud of you for it. But where a secret is causing you pain, grief, heartache, illness - please seek professional advice. Why live this life of pain when you can deal with it and finally move forward? Look after yourself. Remember YOU'RE worth it! Oh and don't keep this post a secret - share it because it might just help someone out there insha'Allah :) Can you fly with a broken wing? What if both wings are broken? Would you give up? Of course you wouldn't - you're a WBI'er and WBI'ers NEVER give up! :) For those with broken wings - (ask a bird or a plane, they would tell you if they could speak ) - they know how difficult it is to maintain a balance. Similarly (by the way, I have issues saying this word) in life we need two wings to keep us balanced and steadfast. What are these two wings that can keep us balanced? They are; 'Hope' and 'Action'. Today I will talk about the importance of both hope and action and how they are two wings which make our flight in life easier. We can have a smooth landing each time insha'Allah :) Hope and Action - are two wings to 'achieving' or 'doing something'. However most the time we think we're doing or achieving but in fact we are 'wishful hoping'. See, wishful hoping (and thinking) won't get the job done - and unfortunately most the time all we are doing is wishful hoping and thinking; 'I would like to lose weight', 'I would like to start a business or enterprise', 'I would like to travel'. And what are the results? You got it! Nada! Nothing happens. Its like magically we say it and it'll happen. But 'hope' couple with firm faith/belief will ignite the fire inside of us and bring 'action' - which brings change - which brings results. (Read that paragraph again. Now memorise it.) Faith and belief in what? Faith and belief firstly in God Almighty - the Creator of the heavens and the earth - and the Creator of you and I - that when He (swt) says 'Be' it will! Nothing can happen without the will of Allah. The pen has been lifted and the ink has run dry. So it was written so it shall be done. What is meant to come our way by destiny will reach us no matter what and what isn't meant to be for us won't come for us (trust me you'll be happy when it didn't because God was saving you from something not good). "And never give up hope of Allah's soothing Mercy: Truly no one despairs of Allah's soothing Mercy except those who have no faith." {12:87} When you have firm faith and belief in Allah (swt) you'll always be hopeful no matter what. You'll always find a way. Even if you cry for a couple of days, scream or shout, you'll eventually find a way. Why? Because your faith in your Rabb is strong. You just know deep inside that it'll be ok. And when your faith and belief in your Rabb is strong you'll have faith and belief in yourself. You'll believe that you can achieve and you'll be hopeful of it. You'll find ways of making it happen. Even if the whole world turns against you, you know you can do it because you know God has faith in you! :) These are internal states. Or one set of the wings. But the next set of wings is external - 'action'. Once we have firm faith and belief and are hopeful we can achieve we have to get up and 'Just Do It!'. Its really as simple as that, because as I said earlier its not magically gona happen. Because your internal state is so strong and your wing is flapping away its only inevitable that the next wing will get into motion. Its caused a reaction. You'll do what you physically have to do to get it done (whatever it is that you need to get done). What if you had all the action - you did, did and did - but you weren't hopeful that you'd achieve? Well you'd lose passion and patience, you'd lose momentum and you'd give up. You would feel that you've done so much but you're not seeing or feeling the results so what's the point?! Any of you ever been there? What if we have hope and don't act? I mean we just hope for the best...hope it will happen...hope we will pass an exam...but we don't actually prepare for the exam? Its not gona happen! Anas (radi Allahu anhu) reported that a person asked Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam), "Should I tie my camel and have Tawakkul (trust in Allah for her protection) or should I leave her untied and have Tawakkul." Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, "Tie her and have Tawakkul." [Hadith At-Tirmidhi] And what if we don't have hope and don't act? We're the living dead then! What a waste! So the question is are your wings broken? Or just rusty? Or working just fine? "The only recognisable feature of hope is action." Grace Paley Today's tips and action points will help you polish those wings up and mend them if they are broken insha'Allah :) Tips and Action Points: 1. Read two rakahs just before you're about to do the exercise. Really focus and connect with Allah. Tell Him everything. Make dua for guidance and help. Set the intention insha'Allah. 2. Get Clarity - what is it that you want to achieve - whether that's in your ibaadah (worship) or your studies/work/biz/life/health - really get down to it - grab a pen and paper and write your heart out - what do YOU want? 3. Now when you've got what you want (written down) - what options do you have? What resources are available to you to do what you said you wanted to do (or achieve)? 4. What are the three things you will do NOW? List those three things in bright colours and Just Do Them - NOW! :) If you have an ibaadah or life goal you want to achieve and you're looking for greater clarity and need a sounding board for your ideas then now is your time to hop on board for our next intake of the 6 week one2one intensive 'Coaching, Mentoring and Healing' package. As a 'Spiritual and Creative Mentor/Coach' I help and guide you through your ibaadah and business (or life) goals, clear any blockages (such as fear, low confidence etc) and help you create a strategic workable plan to make your dreams a reality insha'Allah. To apply for our April 2013 packages click here http://www.webeinspired.com/coaching-mentoring--energy-healing.html Remember if you want to achieve your dreams - both deen and duniya - then you need to polish up both wings and make sure they are working in unison - Hope and Action! :) |
AuthorNadia Leona Yunis Archive
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