...One of the hardest things for any human being is to admit they are wrong! We rather spend our lives justifying why something happened, how it could have been avoided, oh and wait for it - the big one, why it's someone else's fault! There's many reasons why we don't want to acknowledge that the fault may be totally and completely ours. One word..... EGO!!! In one of my coaching sessions with my client I was told how one of her employees turned and twisted everything around - everything she had said - and then blamed it back on her! Even after she had explained what she was saying her employee refused to listen. This cost her a lot for her business - time, money, energy, valuable business contacts! Have any of you had that happen in a business capacity? What about your personal life? Misconceptions? Misunderstandings? Especially when you know someone for such a long time and you have been friends or work colleagues and then all of a sudden everything ends. How many times have we messed our lives up because we 'refused' to listen to the explanation or insisted that it was the other persons fault? And the emotional pain that comes with such situations - Ya Allah - it really does mess us up! The employee used what we call 'Victim Mentality' and then made out to be the innocent victim who always gets 'hurt' and get this that same employee had a pattern of similar behaviour in all areas of their life! I previously wrote an in-depth article on this whole topic called; 'I'm a Victim - Get ME out of HERE! Do have a read of it insha'Allah We need to learn emotional intelligence. Seriously! It's not about IQ anymore or what top university you studied at or company you worked for but it's about being emotionally aware and having emotional intelligence - knowing our emotions and dealing with them effectively. I will be teaching a Masterclass on this subject in my Success Club and I hope you can join me insha'Allah (details coming up soon). One of the ways to become emotionally aware or have greater awareness about our life and purpose is to know our Creator. "And be not like those who forsook Allah, so He made them forsake their own souls: these it is that are the transgressors." {Surah Al Hashr 59:19} (partial). If we spend our time getting to know our Creator by reading and studying the Qur'an, studying ahaadith and learning the meanings of Allah's names and attributes then we achieve a greater awareness about ourself and it stops us wasting time on petty stuff and in fact it helps us to understand why certain things happened or happen in our lives and how to heal our wounds. Of course this doesn't happen overnight. It's a process. So right now give yourselves the permission to understand your live events and your purpose of creation and to take a step towards healing your wounds - and before you say it - YES it CAN be done! Many have done it before us and are living abundant lives. And when we do take this step then all the jealousy, envy, hatred and diseases of the heart will be rectified insha'Allah. Abu Hamzah Anas bin Malik (may God be pleased with him), who was the servant of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes (in Allah and in His religion) until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” [Bukhari and Muslim] Again this really is a process and sometimes it comes with maturity but if you are reading this right now then you have no excuse to ignore it but to go deep within yourself and start to make those positive changes now insha'Allah. You and I are students of life and we are a work in progress - so let's work this. And anyway if you are someone who is prone to 'It's not me it's you' then seriously you'll only attract the same like-minded people and miss out on all the good opportunities in life and create a bad record of yourself wherever you go - and I know that you don't want that for yourself. So let's fix up before we get fixed up! * Action Points & Tips: 1. Grab your journal or notebook, set aside 30 minuets for self-reflection and reflect! 2. Write down what it is that is hurting you - is it being neglected, ignored, rejected (this one is my issue - and sometimes it can still bring me down - but alhamdulilah I've learned a lot in the past 3 years). 3. What situation caused this to happen - i.e. someone you loved ignored you etc. 4. Take a deep breath and release and then let them go - accept it happened, it's done, lessons learned, time to live in the now (this may be hard at first - but as I said it's a process so start now insha'Allah). 5. Need professional help? Then it is available! Have some maturity please to help yourself - we know from the ayah of the Qur'an that Allah will not change a condition of a people until they don't change it within themselves. You have an opportunity right now to help yourself heal and live a good life that you were created to live. What are you waiting for? We need to become a productive Ummah and learn maturity. Our pious predecessors achieved so much with so little and here we are today that we can't even help ourselves - when in reality we can. Ask yourself; 'Am I happy like this?' Now say bismillah and get working on yourself insha'Allah. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you experienced someone who is always the victim of everyone's behaviour? Are you the 'everyone always blames me' type or are you someone who has been both? Let me know insha'Allah. Comment below and share this post :) [Pssst - I've been both types in my life!!!]
1 Comment
Meraj Mustafa Siddiqui
27/11/2013 02:31:54 pm
Assalamoalekum Warehmatullah,
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